Merry Christmas from MotoDyne
12-24-2002, 09:31 PM
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Merry Christmas from MotoDyne
Twas the night before Christmas, in all of AudiWorld Town
Not a member was posting, not even EvilClown.
Would I have to worry about independant thinking? Never!
As long as there were posters like Audi's4ever.
The S-car list was nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of 12v superchargers danced in their heads,
And my girlfriend in her PJ's, and I in my briefs,
Had just settled down to get sleep and relief.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up on the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the illusion of coolness to my Audi below,
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But an Audi pulled by several controversial eBay auctioneers.
With a brash young driver, carrying car parts in his sack,
I knew in a moment it must be Rob Hack.
Not fraud-like at all through the night sky they came,
Hack whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"On, Germanubercars! On Lifestyle 26! On Holbert959!
And all of the others who sell parts from MotoDyne!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now sell my stuff, sell my stuff, sell my stuff all!"
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With a car full of parts, and Robert Hack too.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Mr. Hack came with a bound.
I was amazed to see him finally, standing there,
Carrying unique Audi parts, none at all were vaporware,
A bundle of chip sets he had flung in his pack,
I said he looked like a cybercriminal but he made me take it back.
The anti-MotoDyne posts I made he tightly clenched in his teeth,
And then he clobbered me with my own brand new wreath.
He seemed nice enough, standing near my fireplace,
But I laughed when I saw him, so he punched me in the face.
I said I thought as a business owner, he was a mess,
As I was judging him purely from all the bad AudiWorld press.
He said, "Mostly those who never dealt with me say my parts don't exist,
They falsly accuse me of swindling because they are pissed.
The truth of the matter is I'm an honorable man,
Jealous competition is where most of this began."
I replied to him, "Mr. Hack, don't take me for a sucker,
I read all those postings by Jimmy and Tucker!"
"Lies one and all", he then quickly said,
I said I had doubts so he kicked me in the head.
He added, "Compared to the others I do superior work,
Yet I get a bad rep because they say I'm a jerk!"
From all the pain he delivered I was still moanin',
And I saw that he was with the director from "Ronin".
His blows to my head spilled blood from my nose,
But he gave me a $6,000 12v supercharger and up the chimney he rose.
And I heard him exclaim, as I struggled to cough,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all...F--- OFF!!!"
PAUL KELMENSON ,
1997 S8 for sale
2002 S8
Not a member was posting, not even EvilClown.
Would I have to worry about independant thinking? Never!
As long as there were posters like Audi's4ever.
The S-car list was nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of 12v superchargers danced in their heads,
And my girlfriend in her PJ's, and I in my briefs,
Had just settled down to get sleep and relief.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up on the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the illusion of coolness to my Audi below,
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But an Audi pulled by several controversial eBay auctioneers.
With a brash young driver, carrying car parts in his sack,
I knew in a moment it must be Rob Hack.
Not fraud-like at all through the night sky they came,
Hack whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"On, Germanubercars! On Lifestyle 26! On Holbert959!
And all of the others who sell parts from MotoDyne!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now sell my stuff, sell my stuff, sell my stuff all!"
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With a car full of parts, and Robert Hack too.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Mr. Hack came with a bound.
I was amazed to see him finally, standing there,
Carrying unique Audi parts, none at all were vaporware,
A bundle of chip sets he had flung in his pack,
I said he looked like a cybercriminal but he made me take it back.
The anti-MotoDyne posts I made he tightly clenched in his teeth,
And then he clobbered me with my own brand new wreath.
He seemed nice enough, standing near my fireplace,
But I laughed when I saw him, so he punched me in the face.
I said I thought as a business owner, he was a mess,
As I was judging him purely from all the bad AudiWorld press.
He said, "Mostly those who never dealt with me say my parts don't exist,
They falsly accuse me of swindling because they are pissed.
The truth of the matter is I'm an honorable man,
Jealous competition is where most of this began."
I replied to him, "Mr. Hack, don't take me for a sucker,
I read all those postings by Jimmy and Tucker!"
"Lies one and all", he then quickly said,
I said I had doubts so he kicked me in the head.
He added, "Compared to the others I do superior work,
Yet I get a bad rep because they say I'm a jerk!"
From all the pain he delivered I was still moanin',
And I saw that he was with the director from "Ronin".
His blows to my head spilled blood from my nose,
But he gave me a $6,000 12v supercharger and up the chimney he rose.
And I heard him exclaim, as I struggled to cough,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all...F--- OFF!!!"
PAUL KELMENSON ,
1997 S8 for sale
2002 S8
12-25-2002, 10:54 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 5,825
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Re: nice man!!!! merry xmas
I feel very privileged to be in your poem. Very well written and rimed great. Yeah i would say that you should be a scray "call" on you answering machine very soon. Something like "umm i read what you said on audiworld. Ummm i have filed a report against you for defamation of character. Ummm i have your address and phone number. Ummmm it would be in your best interests to coaperate with me. Ummm stay out of my business and mind yourself" Something very panzy and childish like this. If you don't know what i am talking about there is a site with anti-Motodyne material on it, has a taped message from Robert Hack himself. Very funny!! He says ummmm a lot and sounds like a total *** that he is. Anyway great story and enjoy that supercharger, LOL.
P.S. Did he hand out any performance chips and $300 braided vacumm lines in your stocking?
P.S. Did he hand out any performance chips and $300 braided vacumm lines in your stocking?
12-28-2007, 03:17 PM
#6
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 62
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FIVE YEARS LATER...
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through AudiWorld boards,
Not a member was posting, for their cars were inferior to beat up old Fords.
My mediocre Audis were parked in the driveway with care,
In hopes that strangers online would be impressed with them, though it seems rare.
For that is how I redeem any self worth, the opinions of others on the net,
and see how impressive of a lifeless piece of machinery I can get.
And my fat wife in her sweats, and I in my undies stained with booze,
Had just settled down for a long winter's snooze.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the pee stained bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew over some junk and trash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up on the sash.
The moon on the cars in my driveway made it quite clear,
That I should really invest in better parts for my cars next year.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a new hydrastatically charged Audi S8, and a few AudiWorld posters dragging behind in envy and fear,
With an intimidating driver, bringing endless attack,
I knew in a moment it must be Robert Hack.
More rapid than my crappy Audi 90 could drive they came,
And he jeered and shouted and called them by name;
"Now, Phillip G! Now KMHPaladin! Now Audi-os and AudiA4!
On, Moribuntcake, on, KurtW, or I'll harshly disprove you more!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Make no more baseless attacks on me with no proof at all!"
So up to the housetop the defeated AudiWorlders flew,
With an Audi full of ridiculous anti-MotoDyne posts, and Robert Hack too.
It's been 5 years ago since my last Christmas visit from Mr. Hack,
And it seemed that unfortunately for me he was now back.
I had to take a double dose of my antidepressant pills,
As I saw him light his cigar with one of his hundred dollar bills.
With cold hate in his eye and a turn of his head,
I knew that because of my posting about him I had a lot to dread.
For I had contributed to the baseless internet smear campaign,
To make up for my small bank account and substandard brain.
He threw my decorations, presents, and the big wreath at me,
And then he powerfully threw me into my own Christmas tree.
I was baffled by Robert's apparent growing support and fanhood,
To be honest it made me a bit insecure about my own manhood.
I thought, the MotoDyne controversy, neverending and now larger!
After all this time, why has no one stopped him from offering his 12 valve supercharger?
After all, if no on from the net reported seeing one it obviously doesn't exist,
Unless they want to wind up on ryoung's obsessive compulsive ID list!
I can't comprehend that there are people with money and don't deplore him,
Who simply buy his products and don't spend their time debating with ill informed nerds on an internet forum.
People who never dealt with him cowardly posting on the net is proof enough for me,
Though how he apparently rips people off for thousands of dollars without any repercussion is still a mystery.
It confused me how a trusted poster actually met him in person a few years ago and reported positive things,
So we desperately tried to discredit him (or even implied he's Rob) to combat with any support he brings.
My conformist mind tells me that everything said negatively about Rob HAS to be true,
And if a court finds him innocent I'll accuse the JUDGE of being Robert Hack too.
I exclaimed, "Your evilness is apparent by your lack of social graces...",
I would have continued more but he proceeded to break my leg in 3 places.
I showed him Tucker's old post and said, "Look at this 'solid proof', you think you're so clever?",
He said "Yeah, it's been 5 years since I, I mean he, posted ONLY about that and then mysteriously stopped posting forever!"
I told him what about proving your case by showing dyno charts,
He responded saying show him any proof that I could even afford his parts.
I asked why the rude replies in emails? That's not how a REAL business should be run,
He asked how many businesses do *I* have, and I had to humbly reply, "None".
So I desperately went for the dependable phrase "Your sc produced less horsepower than stock",
Said he, "When will anyone else ever produce a better one than mine? In 2 weeks? what a crock!"
I expected my discouraging words to stop him but it didn't seem to work,
The fact that I could not manipulate him like I wanted to confirmed my belief that he's a jerk.
I told him based on what is written he's a thief and a bad mechanic who we will never give any slack,
He said given the controversy, isn't it a bit suspiciously TOO convenient that his name is "Rob" "Hack"?
He then returned to his supercharged Audi, to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew like a powerful missile.
But as he left I heard him exclaim in a voice so brash,
"Happy Christmas to all (except AudiWorld), and CONTROVERSY CREATES CA$H!"
Not a member was posting, for their cars were inferior to beat up old Fords.
My mediocre Audis were parked in the driveway with care,
In hopes that strangers online would be impressed with them, though it seems rare.
For that is how I redeem any self worth, the opinions of others on the net,
and see how impressive of a lifeless piece of machinery I can get.
And my fat wife in her sweats, and I in my undies stained with booze,
Had just settled down for a long winter's snooze.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the pee stained bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew over some junk and trash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up on the sash.
The moon on the cars in my driveway made it quite clear,
That I should really invest in better parts for my cars next year.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a new hydrastatically charged Audi S8, and a few AudiWorld posters dragging behind in envy and fear,
With an intimidating driver, bringing endless attack,
I knew in a moment it must be Robert Hack.
More rapid than my crappy Audi 90 could drive they came,
And he jeered and shouted and called them by name;
"Now, Phillip G! Now KMHPaladin! Now Audi-os and AudiA4!
On, Moribuntcake, on, KurtW, or I'll harshly disprove you more!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Make no more baseless attacks on me with no proof at all!"
So up to the housetop the defeated AudiWorlders flew,
With an Audi full of ridiculous anti-MotoDyne posts, and Robert Hack too.
It's been 5 years ago since my last Christmas visit from Mr. Hack,
And it seemed that unfortunately for me he was now back.
I had to take a double dose of my antidepressant pills,
As I saw him light his cigar with one of his hundred dollar bills.
With cold hate in his eye and a turn of his head,
I knew that because of my posting about him I had a lot to dread.
For I had contributed to the baseless internet smear campaign,
To make up for my small bank account and substandard brain.
He threw my decorations, presents, and the big wreath at me,
And then he powerfully threw me into my own Christmas tree.
I was baffled by Robert's apparent growing support and fanhood,
To be honest it made me a bit insecure about my own manhood.
I thought, the MotoDyne controversy, neverending and now larger!
After all this time, why has no one stopped him from offering his 12 valve supercharger?
After all, if no on from the net reported seeing one it obviously doesn't exist,
Unless they want to wind up on ryoung's obsessive compulsive ID list!
I can't comprehend that there are people with money and don't deplore him,
Who simply buy his products and don't spend their time debating with ill informed nerds on an internet forum.
People who never dealt with him cowardly posting on the net is proof enough for me,
Though how he apparently rips people off for thousands of dollars without any repercussion is still a mystery.
It confused me how a trusted poster actually met him in person a few years ago and reported positive things,
So we desperately tried to discredit him (or even implied he's Rob) to combat with any support he brings.
My conformist mind tells me that everything said negatively about Rob HAS to be true,
And if a court finds him innocent I'll accuse the JUDGE of being Robert Hack too.
I exclaimed, "Your evilness is apparent by your lack of social graces...",
I would have continued more but he proceeded to break my leg in 3 places.
I showed him Tucker's old post and said, "Look at this 'solid proof', you think you're so clever?",
He said "Yeah, it's been 5 years since I, I mean he, posted ONLY about that and then mysteriously stopped posting forever!"
I told him what about proving your case by showing dyno charts,
He responded saying show him any proof that I could even afford his parts.
I asked why the rude replies in emails? That's not how a REAL business should be run,
He asked how many businesses do *I* have, and I had to humbly reply, "None".
So I desperately went for the dependable phrase "Your sc produced less horsepower than stock",
Said he, "When will anyone else ever produce a better one than mine? In 2 weeks? what a crock!"
I expected my discouraging words to stop him but it didn't seem to work,
The fact that I could not manipulate him like I wanted to confirmed my belief that he's a jerk.
I told him based on what is written he's a thief and a bad mechanic who we will never give any slack,
He said given the controversy, isn't it a bit suspiciously TOO convenient that his name is "Rob" "Hack"?
He then returned to his supercharged Audi, to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew like a powerful missile.
But as he left I heard him exclaim in a voice so brash,
"Happy Christmas to all (except AudiWorld), and CONTROVERSY CREATES CA$H!"
09-12-2017, 05:34 PM
#7
AudiWorld Member
Twas the night before Christmas, in all of AudiWorld Town
Not a member was posting, not even EvilClown.
Would I have to worry about independant thinking? Never!
As long as there were posters like Audi's4ever.
The S-car list was nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of 12v superchargers danced in their heads,
And my girlfriend in her PJ's, and I in my briefs,
Had just settled down to get sleep and relief.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up on the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the illusion of coolness to my Audi below,
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But an Audi pulled by several controversial eBay auctioneers.
With a brash young driver, carrying car parts in his sack,
I knew in a moment it must be Rob Hack.
Not fraud-like at all through the night sky they came,
Hack whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"On, Germanubercars! On Lifestyle 26! On Holbert959!
And all of the others who sell parts from MotoDyne!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now sell my stuff, sell my stuff, sell my stuff all!"
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With a car full of parts, and Robert Hack too.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Mr. Hack came with a bound.
I was amazed to see him finally, standing there,
Carrying unique Audi parts, none at all were vaporware,
A bundle of chip sets he had flung in his pack,
I said he looked like a cybercriminal but he made me take it back.
The anti-MotoDyne posts I made he tightly clenched in his teeth,
And then he clobbered me with my own brand new wreath.
He seemed nice enough, standing near my fireplace,
But I laughed when I saw him, so he punched me in the face.
I said I thought as a business owner, he was a mess,
As I was judging him purely from all the bad AudiWorld press.
He said, "Mostly those who never dealt with me say my parts don't exist,
They falsly accuse me of swindling because they are pissed.
The truth of the matter is I'm an honorable man,
Jealous competition is where most of this began."
I replied to him, "Mr. Hack, don't take me for a sucker,
I read all those postings by Jimmy and Tucker!"
"Lies one and all", he then quickly said,
I said I had doubts so he kicked me in the head.
He added, "Compared to the others I do superior work,
Yet I get a bad rep because they say I'm a jerk!"
From all the pain he delivered I was still moanin',
And I saw that he was with the director from "Ronin".
His blows to my head spilled blood from my nose,
But he gave me a $6,000 12v supercharger and up the chimney he rose.
And I heard him exclaim, as I struggled to cough,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all...F--- OFF!!!"
PAUL KELMENSON ,
1997 S8 for sale
2002 S8
Not a member was posting, not even EvilClown.
Would I have to worry about independant thinking? Never!
As long as there were posters like Audi's4ever.
The S-car list was nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of 12v superchargers danced in their heads,
And my girlfriend in her PJ's, and I in my briefs,
Had just settled down to get sleep and relief.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up on the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the illusion of coolness to my Audi below,
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But an Audi pulled by several controversial eBay auctioneers.
With a brash young driver, carrying car parts in his sack,
I knew in a moment it must be Rob Hack.
Not fraud-like at all through the night sky they came,
Hack whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"On, Germanubercars! On Lifestyle 26! On Holbert959!
And all of the others who sell parts from MotoDyne!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now sell my stuff, sell my stuff, sell my stuff all!"
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With a car full of parts, and Robert Hack too.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Mr. Hack came with a bound.
I was amazed to see him finally, standing there,
Carrying unique Audi parts, none at all were vaporware,
A bundle of chip sets he had flung in his pack,
I said he looked like a cybercriminal but he made me take it back.
The anti-MotoDyne posts I made he tightly clenched in his teeth,
And then he clobbered me with my own brand new wreath.
He seemed nice enough, standing near my fireplace,
But I laughed when I saw him, so he punched me in the face.
I said I thought as a business owner, he was a mess,
As I was judging him purely from all the bad AudiWorld press.
He said, "Mostly those who never dealt with me say my parts don't exist,
They falsly accuse me of swindling because they are pissed.
The truth of the matter is I'm an honorable man,
Jealous competition is where most of this began."
I replied to him, "Mr. Hack, don't take me for a sucker,
I read all those postings by Jimmy and Tucker!"
"Lies one and all", he then quickly said,
I said I had doubts so he kicked me in the head.
He added, "Compared to the others I do superior work,
Yet I get a bad rep because they say I'm a jerk!"
From all the pain he delivered I was still moanin',
And I saw that he was with the director from "Ronin".
His blows to my head spilled blood from my nose,
But he gave me a $6,000 12v supercharger and up the chimney he rose.
And I heard him exclaim, as I struggled to cough,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all...F--- OFF!!!"
PAUL KELMENSON ,
1997 S8 for sale
2002 S8
Trending Topics
09-12-2017, 05:35 PM
#8
AudiWorld Member
I feel very privileged to be in your poem. Very well written and rimed great. Yeah i would say that you should be a scray "call" on you answering machine very soon. Something like "umm i read what you said on audiworld. Ummm i have filed a report against you for defamation of character. Ummm i have your address and phone number. Ummmm it would be in your best interests to coaperate with me. Ummm stay out of my business and mind yourself" Something very panzy and childish like this. If you don't know what i am talking about there is a site with anti-Motodyne material on it, has a taped message from Robert Hack himself. Very funny!! He says ummmm a lot and sounds like a total *** that he is. Anyway great story and enjoy that supercharger, LOL.
P.S. Did he hand out any performance chips and $300 braided vacumm lines in your stocking?
P.S. Did he hand out any performance chips and $300 braided vacumm lines in your stocking?
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