You're a racer if ... (long)
03-29-2002, 01:08 PM
#1
New Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 25
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You're a racer if ... (long)
Hope you enjoy:
-You think the primary purpose of wings is to
PREVENT flight.
-You take your helmet along when you go to buy
new eyeglasses or check out cars (seats).
-You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your
previous best time.
-You are happiest when your street car's tires are
worn to "racing depth".
-When something falls off of your car, you wonder
how much weight you just saved.
-When you hear 'overcooked it', instead of food
you think 'off the track'.
-You change engine oil every other week.
-You sometimes hear little noises from your
passengers when you get on the throttle right after
turning in.
-You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind
how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
-Your racing budget is one of the big three -
mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.
-Your email address refers to your race car rather
than to you.
-You walk "proper lines" through the grocery store.
-You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without
complaining.
-You buy new parts because you don't know where
you put the spares.
-You bought a race car before buying a house.
-You bought a race car before buying furniture for
the new house.
-You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't
bought furniture!
-You find that you need a new house because
you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors
are threatening violence if you park one more
vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
-The requirements you give your real estate agent
are (in order of importance):
1) 8-car climate controlled garage with an attached
shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a
crew cab dualie, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34'
5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your
welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Conveniently close to a hazardous waste
disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and
shower on the property somewhere or hookups for
the motorhome.
-You measure all family acquisitions in terms of
the number of race tires that could have been
purchased.
-You know well that orthodontic work is the
equivalent of three sets of tires.
-You sit in your race car in a dark garage and
make car noises and shift and practice your heel
and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back
from the machine shop.
-You look at the purchase of tools as a long term
investment.
-Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tires, I'm
getting a new mink."
-Your garage holds more cars than your house
has bedrooms.
-You have enough spare parts to build another
car.
-More than one racer supply house recognizes
your voice and greets you by name when you call.
-You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
-You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner
is: "Racers, start your engines!"
-If you can't remember when you last worked on
weekdays and rested on weekends.
-You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus
and Racer Wholesale.
-Your Christmas list begins with "another set of
Toyo RA1's" and aluminum rods (and your
'significant other' knows what these are).
-After your answer to "What did you do this
weekend?" the next question is always: "And you
do this for fun? Right?"
-You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
-Your reading material in your bathroom consists
of auto parts and racing supply catalogs, several
books written by famous drivers, every book
Carroll Smith has ever written and 400 car
magazines, none of which have centerfolds.
-People know you by your class letter, car number,
and car color.
-People know you by your "off"s". "Oh, you're the
one stuck in the mud at ButtonBog last weekend!"
-Your first date involves asking her to crew for
you.
-Your criteria for selecting a significant other
include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.
-Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet
and driver's suit.
-Your family remembers your hair color as
"grease".
-You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
-You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a
snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
-You remember the dates and details of every race
you've ever been in, but can't remember your
phone number.
-Your family brings the couch into the garage so
they can spend some time with you.
-You complain when cars in front of you on
highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing
your exit speed to drop.
-A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you
query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply,
"Vegetable or corn."
-You give out Automotive Engineering's number
when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
-You refer to the corner down the street from your
house as "Turn One."
-You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see
an apex marker.
-You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or
school.
-You always late apex the intersection and try to
pass a few cars coming out.
-Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line
through the turn.
-You always do a toe & heel downshift while your
passenger gives you a real funny look.
-You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive.
Of course, you are the best.
-You can't stand understeer.
-You always want to change something in your
street car to make it handle better.
-You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine
oil.
-You hate long distance drives to visit relatives of
to go on vacation, but you will gladly drive 800
miles to the race track.
-You think that traction control and ABS are for
those who can't drive.
-You've ever tried to convince your wife you
needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her
van.
-You save broken car parts as "mementos".
-Your last several freeway forays included just
brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps
perfectly.
-You've found your lawn mower runs pretty good
on 108 octane gas (but doesn't care for alcohol).
-The local tire shop won't honor the tread life
warranty on any car you have been within 50 yards
of.
-The shop manager at your local car dealer
mutters "dear Lord" under his breath after he sees
the size of your exhaust system.
-The local police and state Highway Patrol have a
picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
-You spend more time polishing your exhaust tips
every day than you do bathing.
-Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have
qualifying times.
-You would choose a roll bar over air conditioning if
it were an option.
-You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots
and using the emergency brake to kick the back
end out.
-White smoke coming out from under your tires is
a common sight.
-You consider the redline a "conservative
suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun limiter."
-You spend more on insurance premiums than on
food.
-Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring
out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for
given situations.
-When someone refers to "The Good Book", you
think of "Prepared to Win."
-When someone asks where you went to school,
you reply, "Skip Barber".
-You have racing shops programmed on your
speed dialer.
-You own five cars and only one of them is street
legal.
-You know the 1/4 mile times and skid pad
numbers of your riding mower and want to improve
them.
-You've embarrassed your significant other at least
once by insisting on wearing your full face helmet
while driving.
-You know the "racing line" of every turn in your
daily commute, including your alternate routes, and
practice hitting them every day.
-You quote your street tire wear life in weeks rather
than miles.
-You regularly live test your rev limiter on that
straight that's a little too long for 2nd but not worth
going into 3rd for.
-You've started looking for sponsors for your daily
commute.
-You've slalomed in a construction zone, and
counted your penalty time in the rearview
afterwards.
-After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on
your vacation she answers: "Why... is there a race
there?"
Squeegy
No Sig Yet, Don't have time
-You think the primary purpose of wings is to
PREVENT flight.
-You take your helmet along when you go to buy
new eyeglasses or check out cars (seats).
-You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your
previous best time.
-You are happiest when your street car's tires are
worn to "racing depth".
-When something falls off of your car, you wonder
how much weight you just saved.
-When you hear 'overcooked it', instead of food
you think 'off the track'.
-You change engine oil every other week.
-You sometimes hear little noises from your
passengers when you get on the throttle right after
turning in.
-You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind
how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
-Your racing budget is one of the big three -
mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.
-Your email address refers to your race car rather
than to you.
-You walk "proper lines" through the grocery store.
-You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without
complaining.
-You buy new parts because you don't know where
you put the spares.
-You bought a race car before buying a house.
-You bought a race car before buying furniture for
the new house.
-You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't
bought furniture!
-You find that you need a new house because
you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors
are threatening violence if you park one more
vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
-The requirements you give your real estate agent
are (in order of importance):
1) 8-car climate controlled garage with an attached
shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a
crew cab dualie, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34'
5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your
welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Conveniently close to a hazardous waste
disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and
shower on the property somewhere or hookups for
the motorhome.
-You measure all family acquisitions in terms of
the number of race tires that could have been
purchased.
-You know well that orthodontic work is the
equivalent of three sets of tires.
-You sit in your race car in a dark garage and
make car noises and shift and practice your heel
and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back
from the machine shop.
-You look at the purchase of tools as a long term
investment.
-Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tires, I'm
getting a new mink."
-Your garage holds more cars than your house
has bedrooms.
-You have enough spare parts to build another
car.
-More than one racer supply house recognizes
your voice and greets you by name when you call.
-You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
-You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner
is: "Racers, start your engines!"
-If you can't remember when you last worked on
weekdays and rested on weekends.
-You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus
and Racer Wholesale.
-Your Christmas list begins with "another set of
Toyo RA1's" and aluminum rods (and your
'significant other' knows what these are).
-After your answer to "What did you do this
weekend?" the next question is always: "And you
do this for fun? Right?"
-You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
-Your reading material in your bathroom consists
of auto parts and racing supply catalogs, several
books written by famous drivers, every book
Carroll Smith has ever written and 400 car
magazines, none of which have centerfolds.
-People know you by your class letter, car number,
and car color.
-People know you by your "off"s". "Oh, you're the
one stuck in the mud at ButtonBog last weekend!"
-Your first date involves asking her to crew for
you.
-Your criteria for selecting a significant other
include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.
-Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet
and driver's suit.
-Your family remembers your hair color as
"grease".
-You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
-You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a
snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
-You remember the dates and details of every race
you've ever been in, but can't remember your
phone number.
-Your family brings the couch into the garage so
they can spend some time with you.
-You complain when cars in front of you on
highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing
your exit speed to drop.
-A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you
query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply,
"Vegetable or corn."
-You give out Automotive Engineering's number
when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
-You refer to the corner down the street from your
house as "Turn One."
-You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see
an apex marker.
-You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or
school.
-You always late apex the intersection and try to
pass a few cars coming out.
-Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line
through the turn.
-You always do a toe & heel downshift while your
passenger gives you a real funny look.
-You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive.
Of course, you are the best.
-You can't stand understeer.
-You always want to change something in your
street car to make it handle better.
-You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine
oil.
-You hate long distance drives to visit relatives of
to go on vacation, but you will gladly drive 800
miles to the race track.
-You think that traction control and ABS are for
those who can't drive.
-You've ever tried to convince your wife you
needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her
van.
-You save broken car parts as "mementos".
-Your last several freeway forays included just
brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps
perfectly.
-You've found your lawn mower runs pretty good
on 108 octane gas (but doesn't care for alcohol).
-The local tire shop won't honor the tread life
warranty on any car you have been within 50 yards
of.
-The shop manager at your local car dealer
mutters "dear Lord" under his breath after he sees
the size of your exhaust system.
-The local police and state Highway Patrol have a
picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
-You spend more time polishing your exhaust tips
every day than you do bathing.
-Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have
qualifying times.
-You would choose a roll bar over air conditioning if
it were an option.
-You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots
and using the emergency brake to kick the back
end out.
-White smoke coming out from under your tires is
a common sight.
-You consider the redline a "conservative
suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun limiter."
-You spend more on insurance premiums than on
food.
-Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring
out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for
given situations.
-When someone refers to "The Good Book", you
think of "Prepared to Win."
-When someone asks where you went to school,
you reply, "Skip Barber".
-You have racing shops programmed on your
speed dialer.
-You own five cars and only one of them is street
legal.
-You know the 1/4 mile times and skid pad
numbers of your riding mower and want to improve
them.
-You've embarrassed your significant other at least
once by insisting on wearing your full face helmet
while driving.
-You know the "racing line" of every turn in your
daily commute, including your alternate routes, and
practice hitting them every day.
-You quote your street tire wear life in weeks rather
than miles.
-You regularly live test your rev limiter on that
straight that's a little too long for 2nd but not worth
going into 3rd for.
-You've started looking for sponsors for your daily
commute.
-You've slalomed in a construction zone, and
counted your penalty time in the rearview
afterwards.
-After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on
your vacation she answers: "Why... is there a race
there?"
Squeegy
No Sig Yet, Don't have time
03-29-2002, 01:14 PM
#2
AudiWorld Expert
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 32,550
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
OH DEAR. :-(
-The requirements you give your real estate agent
are (in order of importance):
1) 8-car climate controlled garage with an attached
shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a
crew cab dualie, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34'
5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your
welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Conveniently close to a hazardous waste
disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and
shower on the property somewhere or hookups for
the motorhome.
are (in order of importance):
1) 8-car climate controlled garage with an attached
shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a
crew cab dualie, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34'
5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your
welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Conveniently close to a hazardous waste
disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and
shower on the property somewhere or hookups for
the motorhome.
Trending Topics
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
gragravar
Audi allroad
5
06-05-2008 04:50 AM
40v-V8
Chicago Discussion
3
06-04-2008 07:14 PM
driviniTT
TT (Mk1) Discussion
3
08-14-2002 02:30 AM