Kriminal

An elderly man lay dying in his bed.

While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon ...


'F*** off' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'

Kriminal

Martha's husband recently died. She had him cremated and brought his
ashes home. She took the urn he was in outside onto the patio and poured
him out onto the patio table.

Then while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to
him...

Abner... you know that dishwasher you always promised you would buy for
me but never did? Well I bought one today with the insurance money!

She paused for a minute and then while still tracing her fingers in the
ashes she said....

Abner...you know that car you were always promising to buy me but never
did. Well today, I bought myself the flashiest car you have ever seen
with the insurance money!.

She paused again for a few minutes and then while tracing her fingers in
the ashes said...

Abner...do you remember promising to buy me a diamond ring but never
got around to buying it for me? Well today, I bought myself a beautiful
big diamond ring with the insurance money!

Then, still tracing her fingers in the ashes she said...

Abner...do you remember that ******* I always promised you? Well here
it comes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!