Kriminal

Made me smile

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer
when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is
confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and
yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is
standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to
yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and
shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it,
the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He
thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You
sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes
the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the
wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face
again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he
hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the
same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard Under his nose,
shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks
full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he
picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look,
I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name!
Who do you want to give these to?" The little Chinese man looks very
puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:










(It's a beauty)





(wait for it)








(Get your best Chinese accent ready)










"You not Nissan Main Dealer"?

Kriminal

Mick and Paddy had promised their uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent, all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise.

They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?'

Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees.

'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.'

After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on.

Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?'

Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.'

The water was only up to his chest.

So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.


'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?'
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'Aye it 'tis, hand me da shovel.'

TTschwing

Oooof!