AudiWorld Forums - NEW TT GUARANTEED NOT TO SPIN AT 100MPH IN-CORNER BRAKING!

Audi have announced a new model specifically to counter some of the handling problems experienced by SOME owners.

The TTdi will come with a 1.4 turbo diesel powerplant, designed not to over-excite the unwary owner. Extra weight up front and 145mm width front tyres should ensure SAFE understeer in most corners. A 3 speed auto and bi-focal windscreen will also feature further reducing risk to owners.

Sensors on the steering wheel will measure driver pulse and hand moisture. Should excitement be detected, power will be immediately reduced from a lofty 60hp to a less threatening 35hp. tyre temp sensors will perform the same function if the operating temp becomes consistent with that spirited driving.

A six inch spike mounted on the steering boss is a further passive safety device and the interior is embellished with bri-nylon seat covers wityh anything metal having vinyl padding applied.

New Exterior colours misty buff and beige complete the look. The final cue to braking safety is a 75lb anchor that can be lauched from the rear in an emergency.

Audi will immediately up world wide production from 40k to 250k units to meet anticipated demand for the new model by safety enthusiasts.

Audis guarantee for the new model to not spin off corning over 100mph are addresses by the simple virtue of giving the car a 68mph max speed.

Said an Audi spokesman, 'This we believe to be the best response to some owners criticism of the current cars handling on the limit.' 'We will also set up our own chat forum for the whining humourless bastards.'

Questioned on potential residuals for non ESP current cars, Audi laughed and said that '90% of prospective used TT owners will neither know nor care about ESP, and if current owners wish to create a self-fulfilling prophecy by talking down residuals, then more fool then.'