AudiWorld Forums - Update...conversation with Audi:

NASA Racer: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The aoa does not respond.)

NASA Racer: Hello, Miss?

Aoa: What do you mean "miss"?

NASA Racer: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Aoa: We're closing for lunch.

NASA Racer: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this audi s4 what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Aoa: Oh yes, the, uh, the Imola S4...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?

NASA Racer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. it's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Aoa: No, no, it's uh,...he's resting.

NASA Racer: Look, matey, I know a dead audi s4 when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Aoa: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable car, the Imola S4, isn't, it ay? Beautiful color!

NASA Racer: The color don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Aoa: Nononono, no, no! he's resting!

NASA Racer: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the car) Hello, Mister turbo I've got a lovely fresh M3 for you if you show...

(aoa hits the car)

Aoa: There, he moved!

NASA Racer: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the car!

Aoa: I never!!

NASA Racer: Yes, you did!

Aoa: I never, never did anything...

NASA Racer: (yelling and hitting the car repeatedly) HELLO IMOLA!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes audi s4 out of the garage and thumps its head on the showroom. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

NASA Racer: Now that's what I call a dead audi s4.

Aoa: No, no.....No, he's stunned!

NASA Racer: STUNNED?!?

Aoa: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Imola S4s stun easily.

NASA Racer: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. That audi s4 is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired out following a prolonged race.

Aoa: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the autobahn.

NASA Racer: PINING for the AUTOBAHN?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?

Aoa: The Imola S4 prefers napping on it's back! Remarkable car, id'nit, squire? Lovely color!

NASA Racer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that audi s4 when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting in its garage in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Aoa: Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that car down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its wheels, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

NASA Racer: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this car wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! it's demised!

Aoa: No no! he's pining!

NASA Racer: He is not pinin'! he's passed on! This audi s4 is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies! HIs metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-AUDI S4!!

(pause)

Aoa: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the showroom) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of audi s4s.

NASA Racer: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Aoa: I got a slug.

(pause)

NASA Racer: Pray, does it it do 0-60 in 5.5 seconds?

Aoa: uh yes.

NASA Racer: Right...I'll take that then