A young man in the Old West wanted to be the best
gunfighter alive. He practiced every day, but knew he as still missing something that would make him the best.

One night, as he was sitting in a saloon,
he spotted an old man who had the reputation
of being the greatest gunfighter in his day.
So the young fella went over to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him
up and down and said, "I have a suggestion that is sure to help."

"Tell me, tell me." said the young man.

"Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"Definitely," Said the old man.

The young gunman did what he was told,
then in a flash he drew his gun and shot
the bow tie off the piano player.

"Wow, that really helped. Do you have
any more suggestions?"

"Yeah, if you cut a notch in the top of
your holster where the hammer hits,
the gun will come out smoother."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"It sure will," said the old man.

The young guy did what he was told,
drew his gun in a blur and shot
the cufflink off the piano player.

"This is really helping me. Is there
anything else you can share with me?"

"One more thing, " said the old man,
"Get that can of axle grease over there
in the corner and rub it all over your gun."

The young man didn't hesitate but started
putting the grease just on the barrel
of the gun.

"No, the whole gun, handle and everything."
said the old man.

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"No, " said the old man, "but when
Wyatt Earp gets done playing that piano
he's going to shove that gun up your a$$,
and it won't hurt as much."

 

Oouu. You have mail at work.

 

Crap, I did it again....laughed loud enough here that they think I'm weird again....

 

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs. of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

 

If they only *think* you're weird, they don't know you very well...

 

You like that sophisticated subtle stuff don't you, Jake?

 

Wylie E. Coyote write this?

 

.....soda comes flying out the nose when I'm reading thru this forum, ok?