Extra, Extra!!! I have a post-Fallingwater news article and boy did we have a blast!!!
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Extra, Extra!!! I have a post-Fallingwater news article and boy did we have a blast!!!
Associated Press - Dateline Somerset, PA
April 23, 2001
Two days after the unexplained phenomenon which came at the tail end of the North American Audi TT Owners Gathering. Governor Tom Ridge met with officials from the Federal Emergency Management Association to tour the damage caused by the freakish incident.
As residents begin to cope with the task of cleaning and rebuilding, government officials and scientists face the difficult task of answering the most basic questions: just what was responsible for the eerie phenomenon ans what, if anything, can be done to prevent it from hapenning again? Sources close to the investigation have confirmed that the incident is being addressed at the "highest levels" of the ultra-secret National Security Agency.
Although the weekend began as benignly as any early Spring weekend in western Pennsylvania, all of Somerset was abuzz with anticipation at the arrival of the North American Audi TT Owners who were to make Somerset their home base for a weekend gathering. Even as the first of the classicaly modern and uniquely designed German sports cars began to arrive on Friday afternoon, the Holiday Inn was frantically completing its preperations to reopen long-closed wings for the first full capacity weekend in its history.
Before long, more and more of the TTs descended upon the town as if misplaced transports from Area 51. They came in all colors from Amulet Red to Desert Green, Brilliant Black to Denim Blue and the sleek and popular Lake Silver. It was, however, the arrival of one or two cars in particular that first caused a stir among long-time residents and became an ominous portent of things to come.
They go by the all too appropriate name of Aviator Gray - evoking comparisons to warplanes and US Naval battleships. Vernon Cusip, sixty year resident of Somerset, said upon viewing his first Aviator Gray TT: "it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, that's how frightenned I was". Vernon's concern was echoed throughout the community, many of whom were unaware of the fact that Germany exported cars to the United States, when a second Aviator Gray TT stealthely exited the Turnpike off ramp and headed for town. Believing that an invasion force from Roswell was indeed massing in Somerset, all eyes would be trained on the Holiday Inn parking lot for the remainder of the weekend.
By Midnight, over ninety TTs from as far away as Florida and Canada were parked side by side as if in a swarm. Even from a distance, a quick glance revealed that all of the cars possessed an unearthly gloss previously thought to be reserved for priceless gemstones and fine Italian lacquer furniture. However, it was not the eeire sheen coating these cars that elevated the concern among the locals. A closer inspection revealed a phenomena so freakish as to cause even local military veterans to gasp and run for the relative security of their homes. Not one of the nearly 100 vehicles had a single dent or ding to be found! Surely these Audis were protected by a force far greater than plastic door guards. A force beyond the understanding of even the most educated Somerset resident. But was it a force of misunderstood science or was it something more sinister?
From all accounts, Friday night passed in a mostly uneventful manner, save for one TT owner's attempts to attract attention by donning a pink and white micro skirt and taunting other TT owners who were based at the Ramada Inn. DennyTT, of Connecticut, has, sources say, long provoked other owners, especially CarTTman, with such antics.
Despite a relatively raucus evening in the Holiday Inn lounge, renamed "Keroppi Lounge" for reasons still undetermined, long-time Somerset residents now on the lookout for any unusual behavior, reported the only strange occurance appeared to be a marked reduction of water pressure in their homes. It was later learned that the reduced water pressure was due to an almost unending stream of TTs at the local self wash car wash. It would soon become aparent that one of the rituals of ownership is that the TT be fully and carefully washed at least once every 12 hours during the pollen season.
Exhibiting the training and dedication of the finest military units, the TT owners were up at Dawn on Saturday morning to make final preperations for their journey to Falling Water and Kentuck ****. While most visitors to the two Frank Lloyd Wright designed homes enjoy a liesurly drive along the twisty scenic route, the TT owners spoke of a "spirited run" instead.
After the obligatory trip to the self wash, the radiantly glowing TTs headed south. Leading the longest line of TTs ever to stretch along a roadway in North America was SuiTTman, who, along with event co-ordinator PGTT, scouted the region weeks before. Had local and state officials been forewarned of the tendancies of these drivers to explore the limits of their oft-modified sports cars, most local roads would have been closed to other traffic.
As the caravan speedily headed towards Fallingwater, The TTs began to behave as if members of bicycle road racing teams. Same-colored cars lined up behind one another and acted as if members of the same team with one member taking a turn at the front while others rested behind. Before long a battle was brewing between the Lake Silver team and the Brilliant Black team as both vyed for the title of Fastest Color. The Black Team Captain, LarryTT, generally accepted as an authority in the design and function of every component of the TT, held the lead briefly before Jenner took advantage of a sloppy shift and raced to the head of the gleaming stream of metal and glass.
Having traversed the 45 mile drive in just under thirty minutes, the TTs once again parked in a swarm in the under-sized visitor lot. Fallingwater veteran tour guides allowed the TT owners full unsupervised access to the historic home while they, themselves, marvelled at the glossy, ding-less chariots that brought the visitors. One tour guide was overheard saying "any group that has such great taste in design and that is capable of maintaining their cars in this condition can sleep over in the Fallingwater home because I don't think they would be even know how to scratch the furniture in there."
After Fallingwater, the TT train headed for Nemicolan Woodlands for a lunch rendezvous with a second, "unofficial", gathering of TTs. It was clear that despite the fact that the unofficial group was not able to tour the homes, no animosity was present. The owners of these vehicles, if nothing else, do play well together. Despite the heated debates on topics such as "Black versus Silver", "Bailey versus Forge", and "chip or no chip", all who attended the lunch had a memorably fun time. Only one owner, OcTTober, became noticably agitated upon learning that at least one other TT owner possessed a modification that he, himself, did not yet own. Fortunately, OcTTober was able to phone ClairParts to arrange an overnight delivery.
Upon completing the visit to Nemicolan, the cars headed for Kentuck **** for the last of the afternoon's scheduled events. This time, however, upon arriving at the destination, none of the drivers toured the property. Instead, they amused themselves by going from car to car while comparing Mega Bass enabled stereos and custom armrests.
While the group was away, Somerset residents prepared for their return by buying all of the available bottled water, anticipating that the obsessive TT owners would again deplete the region's water supply by washing all of their cars before dinner. It would prove to be a wise decision as, one by one, TTs lined up for their pampering. Entrepeneurial youngsters waved in vain for the chance to earn a few dollars by washing a car or two, unfortunately for them, they would soon learn that no self-respecting TT owner allows any child under the age of 35 to wash their car.
As dusk descended upon Somerset, the owners began to gather at Hoss' Steakhouse for their official banquet. The first order of business was a brief awards ceremony hosted by event co-ordinator PGTT. After extolling the virtues of his new Bilstein shock absorbers, he handed out the first Annual Audi TT Owners Awards. The first award, entitled the "TTrue TTrooper" award, went to San Diego resident Brad Willis who endured both extended plane rides and TT rides just to be in attendance.
The next award, handed out to the person least worthy of owning ANY sports car, let alone a TT, went to GuilTTy, who, in explaining why he has never opened the hood of his TT simply said: "I am Jewish, why would I want to open a hood? I wouldn't know what to do with that engine stuff anyhow." He was, however, able to install a set of TT valve stem caps without supervision.
The evening's most prestigious award went to an attendee who, despite his affiliation with the group, doesn't even own a TT. Bracketracer, of Salt Lake City, took home the covetted Grand Freak Award as the most active TT Forum and Yahoo TT Chatroom participant. Despite his access to true supercars such as Lamborghinis and Ferraris, he displays the same obsessive, childlike attraction to the TT that its owners are now famous for. Sources also confirmed that Bracketracer was among the most popular attendees at the event.
Just as the banquet was winding down and Somerset residents began to believe that the TT owners and their cars were harmless after all, if a bit eccentric, buildings, windows people and the night itself were rocked by a phenomenon the aftermath of which shall never be forgotten.
It started as a far off wail -- a keening as if from some prenatural spirit. Witnesses both inside of Hoss' and on the steets described a metallic thrush growing louder. Soon windows began to vibrate wildly and the sensitive TT car alarms were triggerred. Then, over the screaming alarms came a sonic boom more violent than any previously recorded. Nobody recalled seeing anything but for a bright streak of blue-white light which began near the Turnpike and shot through the town in microseconds.
Within minutes, calm returned but a glance revealed that every window within miles had been blown out and that many buildings had collapsed. Every tree in the region was left without leaves and without bark. Even the neighborhood cats were left shiverring and hairless.
The roadway from the turnpike through downtown and beyond had been stripped of asphalt, the remaing macadam bearing witness to the fleeting and passing presence of a beast that did not go silently into the night.
Local law enforcement was at a complete loss to explain the cause of the damage. While various Federal agencies were called in, it was the TT owners themselves who came up with the most plausible explanation to date.
For some time, there has been a rumor in the TT community of a TT so heavily modified that most wrote of its exhistence as nothing more than fantasy. However, after closer examination of the remaining evidence, together with the sounds of a keening metallic thrush, it is now believed that the object responsible for the terrible damage is the much rumored TTriple Digits TT. Based upon early calculations, it appears as though the TTriple Digits TT has been modified to approximately 18,000 horespower. Such a car could, at highest speed, be capable of causing the destruction in Somerset. It is now also believed that 000, in his haste to show of the car at the gathering, forgot to upgrade the brakes so that after attaining top speed, the vehicle is now incapable of stopping. It is also now believed that the car may have run out of gas several hunded miles ago but is still coasting at speeds approaching Mach 3. It is possible that 000 plans to time his coast so as to enter one of the upcoming American Le Mans races where he plans to defeat the vaunted Audi R8.
While the existence of the TTriple Digits TT may be a popular theory, there does remain one compelling bit of evidence which many claim points to an extra-terrestrial force. Computer processed results of sound recordings made of the keening wail revealed the following phrase:
"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US"
To date, there has been no possible explanation for the meaning of that phrase. Linguists and cryptographers the world over are stumped. When asked what he thought this strange phrase meant, PGTT replied: "Somebody set us up the bomb'!
He also said that he can't wait to organize the next event. Hopefully TTriple Digits will coast to a stop before that.
April 23, 2001
Two days after the unexplained phenomenon which came at the tail end of the North American Audi TT Owners Gathering. Governor Tom Ridge met with officials from the Federal Emergency Management Association to tour the damage caused by the freakish incident.
As residents begin to cope with the task of cleaning and rebuilding, government officials and scientists face the difficult task of answering the most basic questions: just what was responsible for the eerie phenomenon ans what, if anything, can be done to prevent it from hapenning again? Sources close to the investigation have confirmed that the incident is being addressed at the "highest levels" of the ultra-secret National Security Agency.
Although the weekend began as benignly as any early Spring weekend in western Pennsylvania, all of Somerset was abuzz with anticipation at the arrival of the North American Audi TT Owners who were to make Somerset their home base for a weekend gathering. Even as the first of the classicaly modern and uniquely designed German sports cars began to arrive on Friday afternoon, the Holiday Inn was frantically completing its preperations to reopen long-closed wings for the first full capacity weekend in its history.
Before long, more and more of the TTs descended upon the town as if misplaced transports from Area 51. They came in all colors from Amulet Red to Desert Green, Brilliant Black to Denim Blue and the sleek and popular Lake Silver. It was, however, the arrival of one or two cars in particular that first caused a stir among long-time residents and became an ominous portent of things to come.
They go by the all too appropriate name of Aviator Gray - evoking comparisons to warplanes and US Naval battleships. Vernon Cusip, sixty year resident of Somerset, said upon viewing his first Aviator Gray TT: "it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, that's how frightenned I was". Vernon's concern was echoed throughout the community, many of whom were unaware of the fact that Germany exported cars to the United States, when a second Aviator Gray TT stealthely exited the Turnpike off ramp and headed for town. Believing that an invasion force from Roswell was indeed massing in Somerset, all eyes would be trained on the Holiday Inn parking lot for the remainder of the weekend.
By Midnight, over ninety TTs from as far away as Florida and Canada were parked side by side as if in a swarm. Even from a distance, a quick glance revealed that all of the cars possessed an unearthly gloss previously thought to be reserved for priceless gemstones and fine Italian lacquer furniture. However, it was not the eeire sheen coating these cars that elevated the concern among the locals. A closer inspection revealed a phenomena so freakish as to cause even local military veterans to gasp and run for the relative security of their homes. Not one of the nearly 100 vehicles had a single dent or ding to be found! Surely these Audis were protected by a force far greater than plastic door guards. A force beyond the understanding of even the most educated Somerset resident. But was it a force of misunderstood science or was it something more sinister?
From all accounts, Friday night passed in a mostly uneventful manner, save for one TT owner's attempts to attract attention by donning a pink and white micro skirt and taunting other TT owners who were based at the Ramada Inn. DennyTT, of Connecticut, has, sources say, long provoked other owners, especially CarTTman, with such antics.
Despite a relatively raucus evening in the Holiday Inn lounge, renamed "Keroppi Lounge" for reasons still undetermined, long-time Somerset residents now on the lookout for any unusual behavior, reported the only strange occurance appeared to be a marked reduction of water pressure in their homes. It was later learned that the reduced water pressure was due to an almost unending stream of TTs at the local self wash car wash. It would soon become aparent that one of the rituals of ownership is that the TT be fully and carefully washed at least once every 12 hours during the pollen season.
Exhibiting the training and dedication of the finest military units, the TT owners were up at Dawn on Saturday morning to make final preperations for their journey to Falling Water and Kentuck ****. While most visitors to the two Frank Lloyd Wright designed homes enjoy a liesurly drive along the twisty scenic route, the TT owners spoke of a "spirited run" instead.
After the obligatory trip to the self wash, the radiantly glowing TTs headed south. Leading the longest line of TTs ever to stretch along a roadway in North America was SuiTTman, who, along with event co-ordinator PGTT, scouted the region weeks before. Had local and state officials been forewarned of the tendancies of these drivers to explore the limits of their oft-modified sports cars, most local roads would have been closed to other traffic.
As the caravan speedily headed towards Fallingwater, The TTs began to behave as if members of bicycle road racing teams. Same-colored cars lined up behind one another and acted as if members of the same team with one member taking a turn at the front while others rested behind. Before long a battle was brewing between the Lake Silver team and the Brilliant Black team as both vyed for the title of Fastest Color. The Black Team Captain, LarryTT, generally accepted as an authority in the design and function of every component of the TT, held the lead briefly before Jenner took advantage of a sloppy shift and raced to the head of the gleaming stream of metal and glass.
Having traversed the 45 mile drive in just under thirty minutes, the TTs once again parked in a swarm in the under-sized visitor lot. Fallingwater veteran tour guides allowed the TT owners full unsupervised access to the historic home while they, themselves, marvelled at the glossy, ding-less chariots that brought the visitors. One tour guide was overheard saying "any group that has such great taste in design and that is capable of maintaining their cars in this condition can sleep over in the Fallingwater home because I don't think they would be even know how to scratch the furniture in there."
After Fallingwater, the TT train headed for Nemicolan Woodlands for a lunch rendezvous with a second, "unofficial", gathering of TTs. It was clear that despite the fact that the unofficial group was not able to tour the homes, no animosity was present. The owners of these vehicles, if nothing else, do play well together. Despite the heated debates on topics such as "Black versus Silver", "Bailey versus Forge", and "chip or no chip", all who attended the lunch had a memorably fun time. Only one owner, OcTTober, became noticably agitated upon learning that at least one other TT owner possessed a modification that he, himself, did not yet own. Fortunately, OcTTober was able to phone ClairParts to arrange an overnight delivery.
Upon completing the visit to Nemicolan, the cars headed for Kentuck **** for the last of the afternoon's scheduled events. This time, however, upon arriving at the destination, none of the drivers toured the property. Instead, they amused themselves by going from car to car while comparing Mega Bass enabled stereos and custom armrests.
While the group was away, Somerset residents prepared for their return by buying all of the available bottled water, anticipating that the obsessive TT owners would again deplete the region's water supply by washing all of their cars before dinner. It would prove to be a wise decision as, one by one, TTs lined up for their pampering. Entrepeneurial youngsters waved in vain for the chance to earn a few dollars by washing a car or two, unfortunately for them, they would soon learn that no self-respecting TT owner allows any child under the age of 35 to wash their car.
As dusk descended upon Somerset, the owners began to gather at Hoss' Steakhouse for their official banquet. The first order of business was a brief awards ceremony hosted by event co-ordinator PGTT. After extolling the virtues of his new Bilstein shock absorbers, he handed out the first Annual Audi TT Owners Awards. The first award, entitled the "TTrue TTrooper" award, went to San Diego resident Brad Willis who endured both extended plane rides and TT rides just to be in attendance.
The next award, handed out to the person least worthy of owning ANY sports car, let alone a TT, went to GuilTTy, who, in explaining why he has never opened the hood of his TT simply said: "I am Jewish, why would I want to open a hood? I wouldn't know what to do with that engine stuff anyhow." He was, however, able to install a set of TT valve stem caps without supervision.
The evening's most prestigious award went to an attendee who, despite his affiliation with the group, doesn't even own a TT. Bracketracer, of Salt Lake City, took home the covetted Grand Freak Award as the most active TT Forum and Yahoo TT Chatroom participant. Despite his access to true supercars such as Lamborghinis and Ferraris, he displays the same obsessive, childlike attraction to the TT that its owners are now famous for. Sources also confirmed that Bracketracer was among the most popular attendees at the event.
Just as the banquet was winding down and Somerset residents began to believe that the TT owners and their cars were harmless after all, if a bit eccentric, buildings, windows people and the night itself were rocked by a phenomenon the aftermath of which shall never be forgotten.
It started as a far off wail -- a keening as if from some prenatural spirit. Witnesses both inside of Hoss' and on the steets described a metallic thrush growing louder. Soon windows began to vibrate wildly and the sensitive TT car alarms were triggerred. Then, over the screaming alarms came a sonic boom more violent than any previously recorded. Nobody recalled seeing anything but for a bright streak of blue-white light which began near the Turnpike and shot through the town in microseconds.
Within minutes, calm returned but a glance revealed that every window within miles had been blown out and that many buildings had collapsed. Every tree in the region was left without leaves and without bark. Even the neighborhood cats were left shiverring and hairless.
The roadway from the turnpike through downtown and beyond had been stripped of asphalt, the remaing macadam bearing witness to the fleeting and passing presence of a beast that did not go silently into the night.
Local law enforcement was at a complete loss to explain the cause of the damage. While various Federal agencies were called in, it was the TT owners themselves who came up with the most plausible explanation to date.
For some time, there has been a rumor in the TT community of a TT so heavily modified that most wrote of its exhistence as nothing more than fantasy. However, after closer examination of the remaining evidence, together with the sounds of a keening metallic thrush, it is now believed that the object responsible for the terrible damage is the much rumored TTriple Digits TT. Based upon early calculations, it appears as though the TTriple Digits TT has been modified to approximately 18,000 horespower. Such a car could, at highest speed, be capable of causing the destruction in Somerset. It is now also believed that 000, in his haste to show of the car at the gathering, forgot to upgrade the brakes so that after attaining top speed, the vehicle is now incapable of stopping. It is also now believed that the car may have run out of gas several hunded miles ago but is still coasting at speeds approaching Mach 3. It is possible that 000 plans to time his coast so as to enter one of the upcoming American Le Mans races where he plans to defeat the vaunted Audi R8.
While the existence of the TTriple Digits TT may be a popular theory, there does remain one compelling bit of evidence which many claim points to an extra-terrestrial force. Computer processed results of sound recordings made of the keening wail revealed the following phrase:
"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US"
To date, there has been no possible explanation for the meaning of that phrase. Linguists and cryptographers the world over are stumped. When asked what he thought this strange phrase meant, PGTT replied: "Somebody set us up the bomb'!
He also said that he can't wait to organize the next event. Hopefully TTriple Digits will coast to a stop before that.
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