French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan to Convince Taliban of Non-Existence of God

The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the country to destroy the morale of Taleban zealots by proving the non-existence of God. Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets', will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy.

Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.

Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said, "The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am talking."

Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock. However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmens' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.

Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe.

This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to undermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Taliban's fighting spirit. Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumours that America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the Taliban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers while saying, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. Follow me or die."

 

No Exit (strategy) :-)

 

Is Jerry Lewis entertaining the "troops" (Alex this is a riot, great find)

 

And it's Axel, not Alex :-)

hey what does "debadged" mean?

 

I had heard a long time ago that he was given the Legion of Merit ? Anyway, to debadge is to remove all the TT and quattro badges. IMO they are just marketing gimmicks, like the car clean. BTW I lived and worked in the Bay area from 1978 to 88. I love it a lot. I lived in Alameda and worked at a Design firm on Stuart St. near the old YMCA. My absolute favorite restaurant is Caffe Sport on Green st. (I am Italian on both sides) :-)

 

Stallone, Sharon Stone... they have to meet a certain quota every year (French bureaucracy is just something else), so when they run out of people who actually deserve it they give it to whichever celebrity is in town (you think I'm joking).
Wouldn't a fully debadged TT not have the Audi rings in front? :-P
You're so lucky that you lived in the Bay area. I'm desperately looking at moving there. Perfect location IMO - but it's hard to find a job there these days... If you have any leads let me know ;-)

 

I thought you lived SF, oh well. I quess the jerry Lewis thing is an urban myth :-)

 

No i don't, unfortunately. I'm just dying to.

 

with out a doubt the most European of all US cities, and great food!

 

and the ocean... and the sierra nevada... and the cycling... and the wine... *sigh*...