>All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make
>the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other
>announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
>examples that have been heard or reported:
>
>-----------------------------------------------
;*****************************
>
>
>As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
>National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa,
>big fella. WHOA!"
>
>
>**************************
>
>
>After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
>Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight
>announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead
>compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as
>hell everything has shifted."
>
>
>*************************
>
>
>In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
>descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask,
>and pull it over your face. If you have a small child
>traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with
>theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small
>child, pick your favorite.
>
>
>*************************
>
>
>"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the
>event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore
>and take them with our compliments."
>
>
>***************************
>
>
>And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta
>airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight
>attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are
>on this flight!"
>
>
>***************************
>
>
>Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing
>in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the
>intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what
>y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the
>airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
>flight attendant's fault...it was the asphalt!"
>
>
>****************************
>
>
>Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
>landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain
>Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
>
>
>******************************
>
>
>An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he
>had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The
>airline had a policy which required the first officer to
>stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and
>give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that,
>in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
>passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
>smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a
>little old lady walking with a cane.
>She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
>ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady
>said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
>
>
>****************************
>
>
>Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd
>like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the
>next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through
>the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think
>of US Airways."
>
>
>****************************
>
>
>A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it
>reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made
>an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen,
>this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number
>293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather
>ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
>uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"
>Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came
>back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am
>so sorry if I scared you earlier, but, while I was talking,
>the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled
>the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my
>pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He
>should see the back of mine!"