I wrote some internet dating haiku. It's obviously very tongue-in-cheek. Some has been posted before and some is new. Unfortunately, all is based on my actual experiences.

I'm cute but quite dense
All credit cards are maxed out
Rescue me from this

That one's pretty cute
Perhaps just a gold digger
Or desperate for kids

Seems a bit twisted
She's got a rockin' bod though
Hot looking psycho

One longing for love
Desperation permeates
The clock ticks loudly

When will she respond
I e-mailed my best pic
I must be too old

Hold open my door
Equality for women
Here's the check mister

Can you see my gray
It's been weeks since the last tint
Dim lighting should help

I'm a proud bi femme
You say that doesn't move you
I thought guys liked that

Clinging low-cut top
Are you staring at my breasts
What is your problem

Bring your bank statement
My finances are in ruin
I'd give you great sex

Tattooed pierced odd one
Please love me for who I am
I don't know myself

Long walks on the beach
A person who loves to laugh
Seeking a soulmate

I have many cats
These felines are my babies
Might not have my own

Perhaps I should call
Not sure I like her that much
Better than nothing

Seeking perfection
Offering plenty of flaws
Are you Prince Charming

I want a big rock
Should be one carat at least
Aren't I worth it

50 pairs of shoes
No retirement savings
The future awaits

Wow she's really hot
Damn porno ad in disguise
Did they think I'd join

Hot young Russian babe
Bring me to the USA
I vant citizen

Posted Glamour Shot
Didn't really look like her
Stench of cheap perfume

Let's meet at Starbucks
Nervously picks at her arm
What's up with those teeth