A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag
on the counter.

The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches
into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets
him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small
piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once
again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful
piece by Mozart!

"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender. The man
responds by reaching into the paper bag.

This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and
says:"Here. Rub it."

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke
and a beautiful genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one
wish. Just one wish...each person is only allowed one!"

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a
million bucks!"

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by
another duck, then another.

Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's
a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

"Tell me about it!!" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a
12 inch pianist?"

 

good one : )

 

I sit next to....problem is, we're sat ouside the Managing Director's office....<gulp>

 

Hmmmm.....I can hear the call to Human Resources now........

 

discussing it cuz they don't understand it either ? LOL

 

Guy walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink, tells the bartender to get a round for the other few customers in the bar. Then he reaches in his pocket, pulls out a $100 bill, and tells the bartender to keep the change.
After about 10 min, he calls the bartender back over, says he'll have another, buy another round for the patrons, pulls out another $100 bill, and says "keep the change."
Bartender and patrons start whispering among themselves, and finally the bartender comes back over to the guy.
Bartender: "Excuse me for bothering you. I really appreciate the tips, and the other patrons thank you for the drinks, but I just have to ask you, has anyone ever told you you look like Burt Reynolds?"
The guy: "yep, I look just exactly like Burt Reynolds."
Bartender: You're not really Burt Reynolds, though, are you?
Guy: No, I just look like him.
Bartender: Oh, I see. I didn't think you were, because--and please don't take this wrong--we couldn't help notice that your head is smaller. A LOT smaller, in fact.
Guy: well, you see, it's like this. A few years ago, when I was still in the Navy, I was assigned to guard this stretch of beach along one of our very remote installations. All the sudden, I heard cries for help coming from the surf, and I ran out towards the water, and noticed this beautiful mermaid had become entangled in some seaweed and a coral reef. I waded out and rescued her and took her up on the beach to catch her breath.
She told me that since I'd saved her, she would grant me 3 wishes, and asked me the first. I told her I wished I looked like Burt Reynolds, and POOF! I immediately looked like him. She asked me my second wish, and I said that I'd like to be able to put my hand in my pocket at any time and pull out a $100 bill. POOF! She said "give it a try", and every time I reached in my pocked, a $100 bill was there.
She then asked me for my third wish. I said, "Gee, I don't know. Now I have good looks and money, don't know right off the top of my head what it would be."
She said she had to hurry up and get going, so I said, "well, I've been on this island for a long time without any female companionship, so do you think we could "wink wink, nudge nudge?" She said that as much as she'd like to help me out that she was half fish from the waist down, and that that would just be a physical impossibility.
So I said, "How about a little head"
POOFFF!!

 

LOLOLOL.......good one