THE TALKING DOG :

A guy sees a sign in front of a house in Barnsley: "Talking Dog for Sale ."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Sure do." the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty
young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the MI5 about my
gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a
dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies eight years
running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near
suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of
medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.

The owner says, "Ten quid."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"'Cos he's a fu*king liar. He's never done any of that stuff"

 

I love this one!! ?

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.



From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal Mart only to have their
car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife
returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from
under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable
to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic,
however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

 

good one dave......morning..;-)

 

Hey Sal.....how ya doin' ?

 

oops.......wrong dipstick....LOL

 

just gettin ready to start the day........me mum leaves for italy today......spends the summer there

 

Ha Ha.......I bet that wasn't oil on her fingers either !! ;-)

 

Does she meet back up with the rest of the family ? Aren't you tempted ?

 

I went last summer,but wont be going this summer........next year........

 

Cool.....you'll have to bring us back loads of pictures ;-)