SMART *RSED ANSWER 6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like
dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

SMART *RSED ANSWER 5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said, "Sir, I
need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART *RSED ANSWER 4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's
store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

SMART *RSED ANSWER 3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding,
rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said. The kid replied, "Yes,
well I got here as fast as I could."
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.

SMART *RSED ANSWER 2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read
" Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead
and he got stuck under it..
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman
got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver,
"Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
petrol!"

SMART *RSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final
exam. "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury,
illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-*rsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and
sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,
shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the
exam with your other hand ".

 

That was awesome! My whole office is ROFL!

 

That is Hilarious, too funny

 

I met an older woman at a bar last weekend.

She wasn't bad for 47; we drank and BS'ed a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had the "sportsman's double," a mother and daughter threesome.

I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she said that tonight was my lucky night.

We went back to her place.

She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:
"Mom, you still awake?"

 

^^^ There's RS4 ownership for ya