Hypnotist...
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Hypnotist...
It was entertainment afternoon at the old folks home, and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,
Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'
The crowd was mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.........................
'****!' said the hypnotist...
It took three days to clean up the old folks home!!!!
As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,
Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'
The crowd was mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.........................
'****!' said the hypnotist...
It took three days to clean up the old folks home!!!!
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A 10 year old blues...
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees..... 'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears...... 'Promise me you won't tell me.'.... Confused, the father asked what was wrong..... The boy sobbed, ....'When I was six, I got the.... 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the .....'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight,.... you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech...... If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid,..... I'll have nothing left to live for.'
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The wedding ring....
A man went to the ER to have his wedding ring cut off from his *****..... According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his ***** while he was asleep. Now you decide what's worse
1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your *****.
3) Or finding out your ***** fits through your wedding ring.
1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your *****.
3) Or finding out your ***** fits through your wedding ring.
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Joined: Oct 2006
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From: Sonoma,Ca.
On Being Polish..........
In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'
The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'
The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am
But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask
me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you
ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask
me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I
was Mexican? Would you? Would you?'
The clerk says, 'Well, no!'
'If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask
if I was Irish?'
'Well, I probably wouldn't!'
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy
says, 'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish
because I asked for Polish sausage?'
The clerk replies, 'Because you're in Home Depot.'
The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'
The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am
But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask
me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you
ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask
me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I
was Mexican? Would you? Would you?'
The clerk says, 'Well, no!'
'If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask
if I was Irish?'
'Well, I probably wouldn't!'
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy
says, 'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish
because I asked for Polish sausage?'
The clerk replies, 'Because you're in Home Depot.'
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