A woman and her daughter were riding in an old
horse drawn buggy one cold winters day.
The daughter said to her mother,
'My hands are freezing cold.'

The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs.
Your body heat will warm them up.
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding in their old buggy
with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.
' The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs
The warmth of my body will warm them up.
' He did and warmed his hands.

The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy
with the daughter. He said, 'My nose is cold.'The girl replied,
'Put it between my legs The warmth of my body will warm it up.
'He did and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving
in the cold winters day with the daughter,
and he said, 'My ***** is frozen solid.'

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy
with her mother again, and she says to her mother,
'Have you ever heard of a *****?'

Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why, yes.?!
Why do you ask?'

The daughter replies:
'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?!

 

From the state where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true
Story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer
quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on
five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was
there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove
off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a
Fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and
Then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then
Remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down
The road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now
Started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man
Over and carried out a breathalyser test.
To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's
intoxication.

The police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the
Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy".

 

I bought my girlfriend a belt and a bag for valentines day

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The hoover works a treat now!!

 

Daughter: My friends and I want to go out tonight.

Mother: Where are you going ?

Daughter: To the cowboy bar on the edge of town.

Mother: I'm don't think you should. There's been a lot of trouble at that place. I heard there was a fight there last weekend, and several people got hurt.

Daughter: But mum!! Please!! It'll be ok.

Mother: No, your life is more important than going out.

Daughter: But Tiny is going with us...

Mother: Well, in that case, it should be ok.. have fun!

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<img src="http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k166/jonnie5kelso/girls.jpg">

 

This one's for you Dave! Apparently your system works just like ours...

<img src="http://images36.fotki.com/v1134/photos/7/7305/52227/p17-vi.jpg">

 

Baaaahahahaha......absolutely spot on. I bet you there's a speed camera above that too !!! ;-)