I get in it last night, and the sunroof is open (it's raining and the last time I used the sunroof was in the summer). I wipe off the seats and understand that this is a common problem with audis. I should have followed the tech and cleaned the contacts, as this has happened once or twice before.
I start to drive and all the interior lights come on. I pull over and open / shut my door, lock / unlock the doors turn the car off.... they flicker a bit and eventually stay off.
I go to a bar with my GF and can't lock my doors with the remote or my key (oh yeah, for some reason my locks were all locked when I tried to get out). I figure it's a fuse or something.
After a few drinks, I come out and see all my interior lights are on and my door is unlocked. I get in start the car and drive away,
As I'm driving all my lights come on again. I pull over and unplug all of them. I get home and, again can't lock the car up. Frustrated, I end up locking all the doors up individually and kicking the passenger door shut.
Tomorrow, when I get up, where the fvck should I start to diagnose this crazy issue... I 've done a quick search and see it's not too uncommon.
I'm sick of crazy **** like this happening, I have never had a car let me down like this with all kinds of stupid stuff. If my battery is dead tomorrow, I swear i'm going to torch it.
(well maybe that's just jack daniels talking but I am seriously pissed)

 

Call a priest

 

no... you need an exorcist....

 

That controls all the locks, alarm and windows. For the sunroof it should be the contacts just clean and adjust them.

 

I see all my doors are still locked and the alarm is not blinking. I unlock the door (manually) and the alarm goes off. I jump out, hit the remote, lock the door, get back in and try the ignition...nothing will stop the alarm so I just wait for it to go off by itself.
I walk my dog and when I pass my car on the way home I see the 4 ways blinking as if the alarm is triggered but the horn isn't going off.
The alarm is now armed and I have no way to disarm it so I'm going to wait a bit before I **** my neighbors off again with beep beep beep beep.
I'm going to do a search again because other than checking the codes, fuses, some wiring rigging I had done for my XM in the past, and disconnecting the battery, I have no idea where to begin.
I guess I wont be able to drive it off a cliff since I can't start it now.

 

I disconnected and reconnected the battery so that I'd be able to start the car. I was also able to lock and unlock the doors and gain access to the trunk finally. I unhooked the alarm horn and checked the central locking system. As i suspected their was a bunch of water around it so I assume that this is the problem.
Still the remote will not unlock or lock the doors and when I shut the door, the alarm arms and I can't disarm it unless I disconnect the battery again.
I guess I should pick up a CLU and try to find out why water is getting in there.
oh yea, VAG turned up with 11 fault codes for the central locks.

 

You said the sunroof was open right? It might have run down to the back of the car into that area. Also there's a filter looking thing in that area that leads to the side of the bumper, I think it's to get fresh air to the pump. Did you go tru some deep water poudles.

 

one is along the seam between the quarter and seal on the left side. (not too bad and I knew about it and thought i fixed it last year) I also have a leak around the tail light. The major leak is around the plate light and/or locking area. I had just had it apart to replace the left plate light...It is leaking near the right plate light.
This problem is pretty bad because I couldn't get into the trunk or gas cap, the car was immobilized and would keep setting the alarm, the hazards kept going off etc. I had to keep disconnecting the battery every time I shut the car off.
I disconnected the wiring harnesses for the central locking thinger and everything seems OK for now. (i have no interior lights and have to lock the doors manually but thats OK)
I'll see if I can get that part at the local VW / AUDI junkyard and fix the leaks.
Thanks, man

 

if the central locking unit is toast I suggest buying a new one, I know there expensive but the internals that creates the vacuum wear out, and a used one might just have a short while before it goes too.