new BMW 2-series and Ford New Pinto models (more)

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07-11-1999, 08:41 AM

KLHI

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new BMW 2-series and Ford New Pinto models (more)

I cooked up these two works of fiction a while back, but I haven't had a chance to publish them anywhere. You can tell they were wirtten about the time of NAIAS, so they are a bit of of date. Enjoy.<A HREF"#ford">Ford Pinto Article</A> <A HREF"#bmw">BMW 2-Series Article</A><A NAME="ford">Ford Announces “New Pinto” at Auto Show BY KLHI Associated Press Writer DETROIT (AP) - Today at the North American International Auto Show, Ford Announced that it would produce at modern version of the famed Pinto. The car, meant to capitalize on the success of the Volkswagen New Beetle, will sport modern features in exterior styled to look like the classic Pinto.Jim Sullivan, a Ford spokesman said, “We wanted to create a car that would not only lure past Pinto owners back to their favorite car, but bring a whole new generation into the family of Pinto owners.”Bill Myers, head of the ford styling unit said, “In designing this car, we wanted to capture the Pinto’s original spirit while still bringing our customers modern convenience and luxury features.”Inside, the Pinto will feature a “motor oil vase” atop of the dash-board, an eight-track/CD player, and a triple-reinforced floor to prevent leaks.It will be powered by a 25-horsepower aluminum engine with cast iron cylinders. In order to prevent leaks caused by the different expansion and contraction ratios of the two metals, a complicated and advanced system of rubber bushings will be employed. Fuel is fed to the engine from a gas tank mounted just behind the front-bumper, a new design pioneered by Ford just a few years ago.The exterior is styled to look like the original pinto. Rough edges, however, have been eliminated in this resurrection.Ford hopes this car, to released as a 2000 model in February of 1999, will attract a cult following among young people. Recently, this demographic swayed from Ford’s because of warnings from parents to “avoid Ford products:. Jim Sullivan said, “We hope to shed this image. It was created by myths that some customers have had problems with some Ford models of the past - especially the Pinto.”As a sales gimmick to attract customers to Ford’s dealers, the company will offer a free bowl of Pinto Beans to persons who enter the dealer on February 3, 1999 - the Pinto’s release date.The Pinto will compete in a crowded two-door compact class with competitors from several European, domestic, Japanese, and Korean manufacturers. Ford expects consumers to pay a premium for this automobile. Prices will start at about $15,000 for the base models and peak at about $30,000 for a special luxury version.Ralph Nader, author of “Unsafe at Any Speed”, was present at the unveiling and commented, “I’ll be d**ned”.The End<A NAME="BMW">BMW INTRODUCES STEALTH CAR NEW YORK (Reuters)This morning, BMW CEO Joachim Milberg released plans to build a “Stealth Car” for sale to the public. The planned two-seat coupe, dubbed the 2-series, will be designed specially to avoid police speed-detection equipment. The car, which will have an estimated top speed of 130-160 miles per hour - depending on drive-train choices, will allow owners to cruise the highways of a handful of counties at virtually unchecked speeds.BMW, however, concerted that the car - with it’s infa-red headlights that produced no visible light - would perform far better at night. “The 2-series will be far more effective at night. In the daytime, the 2 should be a bit easier to spot.”, BMW said.The German corporation also admitted the car, which will be available in just one exterior color - black, would have “some difficulties” in rough weather. BMW says it would advise it’s customers to shy away from driving their car in rainy weather.The car will use special body paneling that absorbs police radar, laser, and lidar (the newest police technique) detector beams will “have slight problems” coping with “air-born objects”. When questioned further, a clearly annoyed Joachim Milberg stated: “The 2-series will most-likely have problems keeping it’s stealth capabilities when it encounters dust on the roads.”In company sketches of the two-seat coupe, the car looked quite large in comparison to the storage space. When questioned, a BMW designer said that the stealth technology had limited available storage space to about 1½ cubic feet. When questioned as to the effort needed to maintain the 7½ foot long car, **** made a visible effort to shy away from the question. He did say, if grudgingly, that every month - the car would have to be shipped to Germany for a “very through” maintenance procedure. “The procedure will include the replacement of all body paneling.At the news conference, the press was also assured that the infa-red vision and headlight systems would have no problem distinguishing between objects.Each unit sold will be equipped with what BMW called a “special storage facility”. The 30 foot by 30 foot garage will equipped the 5-tons of equipment needed to fulfill the cars “daily maintenance needs”. BMW officials seemed to quickly veer off topic when asked for specifics.The 2-series will be powered by a choice of two engines: a 2.8 liter inline 6-cylinder engine developing 193 horsepower or a 4.4 liter V8 developing 282 horsepower. A third-engine will only be available in the M, or motorsport version, called the M2. The M2’s V8 engine will be the same found in the companies forthcoming M5 sedan. All engines are large for a car this size. BMW claims the engines are needed to sustain the high speeds that 2-series owners will likely drive their car at.BMW made no official mention of cost at the press conference. A source close the CEO said that prices would likely fall into the $2,100,000,000 range. Officially, BMW said the car was targeted at a “young, wealthy, and mostly male audience”.The company says it expects to sell roughly 20 units.The End.KLHI klhi@ibm.net 99.0 2.8QM Melange/Onyx Cloth (no mods)

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