Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.......
and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther
away...Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida...?????"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect
me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How
can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back, "You ARE on the other side."


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said
that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She
pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and
screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his
flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

 

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

 

Bridge To Hawaii

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled
across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and
out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp,
blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and
I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can
forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man
sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've
always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly
and I get very seasick.

Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive
over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think
of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever
reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how
much steel!! No-think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good
wish. Finally,he said, "I've been married and divorced
four times. My wives always said that I don't care and
that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand
women....know how they feel inside and what they're
thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know
why they're crying, know what they really want when
they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

 

LOL!