is it too early for a little friday funny? naaaaa
03-29-2002, 05:06 AM
#1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 48,536
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
is it too early for a little friday funny? naaaaa
Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been
in a terrible car accident.
He rushes to the hospital,runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an
accident.
They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He
comes out
to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.
"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks. "Yes sir, what's happened?
How is my wife?"
The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good
news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"
"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However,her spine is
inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability.This means you
will have to feed her." Mr. Jones begins to sob. "And
you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent
pneumonia."
Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. "Then, of course," the
doctor continued,"you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no control over
her bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five
times a day."
Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails. The doctor continues:
"And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no
control over her sphincter. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite
often
I'm afraid.
Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the
putrid
effluent
she'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither
off the bench
into a sobbing pitiful mass.
Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the
shoulder.
"Hey, I'm just ****ing with you, she's dead."
in a terrible car accident.
He rushes to the hospital,runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an
accident.
They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He
comes out
to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.
"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks. "Yes sir, what's happened?
How is my wife?"
The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good
news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"
"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However,her spine is
inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability.This means you
will have to feed her." Mr. Jones begins to sob. "And
you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent
pneumonia."
Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. "Then, of course," the
doctor continued,"you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no control over
her bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five
times a day."
Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails. The doctor continues:
"And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no
control over her sphincter. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite
often
I'm afraid.
Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the
putrid
effluent
she'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither
off the bench
into a sobbing pitiful mass.
Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the
shoulder.
"Hey, I'm just ****ing with you, she's dead."
03-29-2002, 05:21 AM
#4
AudiWorld Uber User
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 50,950
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
ouch. Here's mine for the day.
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year- old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?"
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year- old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?"
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."
03-29-2002, 05:40 AM
#7
AudiWorld Super User
Join Date: Sep 2000
Posts: 6,601
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Here's a little country humor we can all appreciate...
(office people, keep an eye on the sound and screen - its not vulgar, but not exactly G rated either)<ul><li><a href="http://home.eznet.net/~jayne/flash/dug/titties2.swf">A little country tune...</a></li></ul>
