Happy Monday peeps.......Quantas airline funnies....
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AudiWorld Super User
Joined: Feb 2006
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Happy Monday peeps.......Quantas airline funnies....
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before
the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a
sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search!
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before
the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a
sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search!
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Thread Starter
AudiWorld Super User
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,787
Likes: 0
Difficult for us Brits to avoid soccer hooligans........the majority off them
are Brits !! How people can get that violent about a GAME of 22 grown men on a patch of grass kicking a pig's bladder around is beyond me.....the mind boggles !
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