Happppppy Friday ? Well here's something to wipe away that smile...
11-03-2006, 03:56 AM
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Happppppy Friday ? Well here's something to wipe away that smile...
<ul><li><a href="http://home.valornet.com/sabruf2/countchr.html">http://home.valornet.com/sabruf2/countchr.html</a</li></ul>
11-03-2006, 03:57 AM
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....and here's something to bring it back.....
A man went in for a sex change operation. He asked how much it would cost. He was quoted ?1,000. He asked for a breakdown. He was told that the surgical procedures on his private parts and breast enlargement would come to ?600. He asked what the remaining ?400 covered. Apparently it was ?200 to have the size of the brain reduced and ?200 for enlargement of the mouth and tongue strengthening.
11-03-2006, 04:19 AM
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....and you thought YOU were hard....
Dark night..cold wind blowing... campfire flickering..
Three tough hang-gliders sitting by the campfire, an Australian, a
South African, and a New Zealander. All macho men, they were
exchanging stories of bravado....
KIVIN the Kiwi says: "I reckon I must be the meanest, toughest
Heng-glider there es! Why, only the other day, I linded in a field
and scared a crocodile who came out of the swamp and ate sux men
who were stenden close by. I grebbed the crocodile and wrestled
him to du ground and killed em with me bare hends!"
JERRY, from South Africa, who would not be bettered, said: "Well
you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng-glider, on
a tiny trail, and a Namibian snake slid out from under a rock, and
made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds and
beet its head off ind then sucked all the poison down in one gulp!
End I'm still here today!"
BAZZA, the Australian, remained silent, slowly poking the fire with
his *****...
Three tough hang-gliders sitting by the campfire, an Australian, a
South African, and a New Zealander. All macho men, they were
exchanging stories of bravado....
KIVIN the Kiwi says: "I reckon I must be the meanest, toughest
Heng-glider there es! Why, only the other day, I linded in a field
and scared a crocodile who came out of the swamp and ate sux men
who were stenden close by. I grebbed the crocodile and wrestled
him to du ground and killed em with me bare hends!"
JERRY, from South Africa, who would not be bettered, said: "Well
you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng-glider, on
a tiny trail, and a Namibian snake slid out from under a rock, and
made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds and
beet its head off ind then sucked all the poison down in one gulp!
End I'm still here today!"
BAZZA, the Australian, remained silent, slowly poking the fire with
his *****...
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11-03-2006, 06:09 AM
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Here's another - the old couple....
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a
jaybird fifty years ago."
"Well, " Granny smiled. "Let's relive some old times."
The old man smiled, and the two of them stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table.
"You know, love," the little old lady said, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replied the old boy. "One's in your coffee."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a
jaybird fifty years ago."
"Well, " Granny smiled. "Let's relive some old times."
The old man smiled, and the two of them stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table.
"You know, love," the little old lady said, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replied the old boy. "One's in your coffee."
11-03-2006, 06:38 AM
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....one more.....John O'Reilly...
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at his local Dublin pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.
You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
That won him the top prize at his local Dublin pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.
You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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