More from new mexico
06-12-2002, 12:12 PM
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More from new mexico
from this post <a href="https://forums.audiworld.com/tt/msgs/594544.phtml">https://forums.audiworld.com/tt/msgs/594544.phtml</a>
Well... I really do not know what to do now. Every time I bring it up I never get far enough to explain how unhappy I am here.
It turns into a "whats going to happen" "I dont want to loose you" "Please dont leave me" etc etc combined with ALOT (I have NEVER seen anyone cry this much before.. and usually i'm really bad) of crying and bawling from Chad. And then that makes me cry and bawl and I feel so bad I cant tell him I want to leave.
He asks if I want to leave and him go with me... or if I want to leave alone... I cant bring myself to tell him I wanted to go alone... but now after all his bawling I dont even know anymore if I want to...
Now I dont know anything anymore... I feel I should just suck it up.. stay here... find a crappy job and be miserable and depressed and unhappy with my life as usual.... Just for Chad.
I hate this! I really do.
sigh...
again... no emails please
Well... I really do not know what to do now. Every time I bring it up I never get far enough to explain how unhappy I am here.
It turns into a "whats going to happen" "I dont want to loose you" "Please dont leave me" etc etc combined with ALOT (I have NEVER seen anyone cry this much before.. and usually i'm really bad) of crying and bawling from Chad. And then that makes me cry and bawl and I feel so bad I cant tell him I want to leave.
He asks if I want to leave and him go with me... or if I want to leave alone... I cant bring myself to tell him I wanted to go alone... but now after all his bawling I dont even know anymore if I want to...
Now I dont know anything anymore... I feel I should just suck it up.. stay here... find a crappy job and be miserable and depressed and unhappy with my life as usual.... Just for Chad.
I hate this! I really do.
sigh...
again... no emails please
06-12-2002, 12:31 PM
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my 2 cents.
Note that I haven't read all of the posts in the previous thread.
you have to do what's good for you, not for him. You should be your own priority. Yes it's sad and hard. Yes he will be miserable. But you can't let him blackmail you into staying. If you want to leave, you have to do so. Just be 100% certain that leaving is what you want to do.
What if you both move to Denver? Are you sure your problems come from him, or does it come from your enviromnent in general? Maybe if the setting is right, you'll look at him from a completely different perspective, and find things aren't bad after all.
I don't want to encourage you to break up, on the contrary. Ask yourself where the problem originates from and work on changing that. Assuming that he's not the source of the problem, tell him that this is not the life that you want for yourself, and that for your mental health and personal happiness you want to make certain changes: location, job. Tell him that you love him (if that's the case) but can't stand your life right now, and would like to keep on loving him in a setting that is right for you. Ask if he'll move to CO with you. If he's waiting to graduate, tell him that you want to move now and that you'll wait for him there (that's actually the ideal situation - buys you time to figure out if you want to keep on dating him, and if you decide you don't, it'll make it easier because you're already apart). From what I understand, you moved to NM for him - the least he can do is do the same thing for you. If you're in CO and he's in NM, you can still visit - sheesh, it's not like you in CA and he's in NJ, ya know?
You have to make some changes in your life, and changing your couple is the hardest part. Maybe it doesn't have to come to that. Change the other things first, and if you still feel the same way about him, then it'll be time to change that too.
Note: I don't know how old he is, but you mentioned that you're his first girlfriend. No wonder he gets upset when he feels threatened. His inexperience with the dating scene causes his insecurity. Is he emotionally weak in general? Or do you think his crying is a subconscious trick to blackmail you into staying, because he doesn't want to be alone?
There are a lot of questions to ask yourself before you break a serious relationship... Make sure you have an answer to them all.
I apologize for emailing you directly a couple of weeks ago. I hope it didn't get you in trouble.
Hope this helps...
All the best.
you have to do what's good for you, not for him. You should be your own priority. Yes it's sad and hard. Yes he will be miserable. But you can't let him blackmail you into staying. If you want to leave, you have to do so. Just be 100% certain that leaving is what you want to do.
What if you both move to Denver? Are you sure your problems come from him, or does it come from your enviromnent in general? Maybe if the setting is right, you'll look at him from a completely different perspective, and find things aren't bad after all.
I don't want to encourage you to break up, on the contrary. Ask yourself where the problem originates from and work on changing that. Assuming that he's not the source of the problem, tell him that this is not the life that you want for yourself, and that for your mental health and personal happiness you want to make certain changes: location, job. Tell him that you love him (if that's the case) but can't stand your life right now, and would like to keep on loving him in a setting that is right for you. Ask if he'll move to CO with you. If he's waiting to graduate, tell him that you want to move now and that you'll wait for him there (that's actually the ideal situation - buys you time to figure out if you want to keep on dating him, and if you decide you don't, it'll make it easier because you're already apart). From what I understand, you moved to NM for him - the least he can do is do the same thing for you. If you're in CO and he's in NM, you can still visit - sheesh, it's not like you in CA and he's in NJ, ya know?
You have to make some changes in your life, and changing your couple is the hardest part. Maybe it doesn't have to come to that. Change the other things first, and if you still feel the same way about him, then it'll be time to change that too.
Note: I don't know how old he is, but you mentioned that you're his first girlfriend. No wonder he gets upset when he feels threatened. His inexperience with the dating scene causes his insecurity. Is he emotionally weak in general? Or do you think his crying is a subconscious trick to blackmail you into staying, because he doesn't want to be alone?
There are a lot of questions to ask yourself before you break a serious relationship... Make sure you have an answer to them all.
I apologize for emailing you directly a couple of weeks ago. I hope it didn't get you in trouble.
Hope this helps...
All the best.
06-12-2002, 12:49 PM
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Been there done that...
Stayed with a person becasue it would "break her heart" if I left. And she was my wife.
But I was miserable... and nothing is worth that. You only get one shot at it Dani. You will only bee in you 20's once. Do you want to spend them unhappy?
Well, as hard as it was I did leave. Did she cry? You betcha. Did he mother and father cry to me, yup. Try looking a grown man in the eye and telling him you are leaving his daughter and watch him break down. He loved me like a son and I a father. It was tough, The whole thing...
But I would not change it for anything. These last few years have been the best of my life yet. I shudder and the thought that I almost missed them to remain in an unhappy relationship.
She eventualy got over it, got a new boyfriend and moved in with him 4 houses down from me ... but thats another story.
Good luck
But I was miserable... and nothing is worth that. You only get one shot at it Dani. You will only bee in you 20's once. Do you want to spend them unhappy?
Well, as hard as it was I did leave. Did she cry? You betcha. Did he mother and father cry to me, yup. Try looking a grown man in the eye and telling him you are leaving his daughter and watch him break down. He loved me like a son and I a father. It was tough, The whole thing...
But I would not change it for anything. These last few years have been the best of my life yet. I shudder and the thought that I almost missed them to remain in an unhappy relationship.
She eventualy got over it, got a new boyfriend and moved in with him 4 houses down from me ... but thats another story.
Good luck
06-12-2002, 12:51 PM
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do you have a friend in town you can stay with to get away for a night or two
might be a way to go a quiet place and think. tough to think with the SO right in front of you. words to live by: NEVER SETTLE. you will regret it at some point otherwise. i am not saying staying with chad is settling or not.
06-12-2002, 12:58 PM
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Re: Off-topic posting on AudiWorld
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06-12-2002, 01:01 PM
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or go spend a coupla days in a spa. You'll be pampered...
... and you'll have time to think. You'll also meet people who have their own stories and that will be able to give you their unbiased take on this - sometimes perfect strangers have the best advice.
06-12-2002, 01:15 PM
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dani -- go to denver and get a good job...he can follow you up there when he's done...
with school...this will give you some more time and seperation to make the choices you need to make...you can go down to nm a couple of weekends each month to see him in the mean time.
imh, but experienced, o
imh, but experienced, o