ot: friday humor -- a little microsoft haiku?
07-13-2001, 07:33 AM
#1
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ot: friday humor -- a little microsoft haiku?
THE ART OF ERROR
In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft
error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict
construction rules. Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five
syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third. Haiku
is used to
communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and
powerful insight
through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen:
>> ------------------------------------------<<
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
>>-------------------------------------------<<
The Website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
>> -------------------------------------------<<
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
>>--------------------------------------------<<
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
>>--------------------------------------------<<
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
>>--------------------------------------------<<
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
>> --------------------------------------------<<
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
>> --------------------------------------------<<
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
>>---------------------------------------------<<
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
>> ---------------------------------------------<<
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
>>----------------------------------------------<<
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
>> ----------------------------------------------<<
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
>>----------------------------------------------<<
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
>>-----------------------------------------------<<
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
>> ----------------------------------------------<<
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
>>-----------------------------------------------<<
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft
error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict
construction rules. Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five
syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third. Haiku
is used to
communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and
powerful insight
through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen:
>> ------------------------------------------<<
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
>>-------------------------------------------<<
The Website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
>> -------------------------------------------<<
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
>>--------------------------------------------<<
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
>>--------------------------------------------<<
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
>>--------------------------------------------<<
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
>> --------------------------------------------<<
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
>> --------------------------------------------<<
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
>>---------------------------------------------<<
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
>> ---------------------------------------------<<
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
>>----------------------------------------------<<
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
>> ----------------------------------------------<<
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
>>----------------------------------------------<<
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
>>-----------------------------------------------<<
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
>> ----------------------------------------------<<
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
>>-----------------------------------------------<<
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
07-13-2001, 09:06 AM
#6
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i'm glad -- after reading your post above, sounds like you needed it! cheer up (find a better...
dealer). too bad you're not in the dc area -- there are some good ones in suburban md.
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07-13-2001, 10:48 AM
#9
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try this - long!
Genesis of a DBA Universe
In the beginning was the disk array, and all was empty
and raw, and UNIX moved over the face of the platters.
And the DBA said: Let there be Oracle. And there was
Oracle. And the environmental variables were set and
the disks were striped and mirrored and the OFA was
established, and behold spindle was rent asunder from
spindle. And the DBA saw that all was in spec.
And it was day and it was evening of the first day.
And the DBA said: Let there be scripts. And sql.bsq
brought forth myriad crawling things upon the face of
the array. And catalog.sql brought forth all manner of
tables and views that swim unseen beneath the waters.
And catproc.sql brought forth all the built-in
programs and all the hosts of the air, that the users
might be given wings and take fight over the data.
And it was day and it was evening of the second day.
And the DBA said: Let there be tablepaces. And there
were tablespaces. And the network administrator looked
upon the disk array and did see what the tablespaces
had wrought upon the disk arrays, and he did gnash his
teeth and seek a new work upon the Internet with an
engine of search.
And it was day and it was evening of the third day.
And the DBA created users. Male and female he created
them. And he said unto the users: Thou mayest create
tables and views as thou wilt. Yea, though mayest
create even indexes upon the data. Only meddle not
with the system tablespace, for it is a holy place,
and on the day wherein thou treadest upon it, on that
day thy create session shall surely be revoked. And
the serpent crept among the users and whispered to
them, saying: Thine roles shall not be revoked. Taste
ye all of the system tablespace, for ye shall know of
b-trees and hints and ye shall be as DBAs. And the
users heeded the serpent and filled the system
tablespace with crap. And the instance did crash and
the client did wax wroth at the DBA. And the DBA did
gnash his teeth and partake of the fruit of the vine,
for behold the users were permanent employees and the
DBA was but a contractor and could not revoke their
create session.
And it was day and it was evening of the fourth day.
And the DBA did set default tablespaces and temporary
tablespaces and did lock down all that was upon the
face of the array with roles and profiles and all
manner of quotas, yea even from the rollback segments
even unto the archived redo logs.
And it was day and it was evening of the fifth day.
And the DBA created synonyms and links and did tune
the server and apply patches upon the face of the
database.
And it was day and it was evening of the sixth day.
And on the seventh day the DBA did rest from all the
labors of the creation. And his pager did ring and he
ceased from resting and did spend his sabbath on the
telephone with Oracle support. And by the time the DBA
got through to someone who knew wherof they spake
behold it was day and it was evening of the eighth
day.
And the DBA waxed wroth.
"Tedium is the worst pain. The mind lays out the world in blocks, and the hushed blood waits for revenge. All order, I've come to understand, is theoretical, unreal -- a harmless, sensible smiling mask men slide between the two great, dark realities, the self and the world -- two snakepits. The watchful mind lies, cunning and swift, about the dark blood's lust, lies and lies and lies until, weary of talk, the watchman sleeps."
-- John Gardner (from "Grendel")
A good read. If you have time you should read it.
In the beginning was the disk array, and all was empty
and raw, and UNIX moved over the face of the platters.
And the DBA said: Let there be Oracle. And there was
Oracle. And the environmental variables were set and
the disks were striped and mirrored and the OFA was
established, and behold spindle was rent asunder from
spindle. And the DBA saw that all was in spec.
And it was day and it was evening of the first day.
And the DBA said: Let there be scripts. And sql.bsq
brought forth myriad crawling things upon the face of
the array. And catalog.sql brought forth all manner of
tables and views that swim unseen beneath the waters.
And catproc.sql brought forth all the built-in
programs and all the hosts of the air, that the users
might be given wings and take fight over the data.
And it was day and it was evening of the second day.
And the DBA said: Let there be tablepaces. And there
were tablespaces. And the network administrator looked
upon the disk array and did see what the tablespaces
had wrought upon the disk arrays, and he did gnash his
teeth and seek a new work upon the Internet with an
engine of search.
And it was day and it was evening of the third day.
And the DBA created users. Male and female he created
them. And he said unto the users: Thou mayest create
tables and views as thou wilt. Yea, though mayest
create even indexes upon the data. Only meddle not
with the system tablespace, for it is a holy place,
and on the day wherein thou treadest upon it, on that
day thy create session shall surely be revoked. And
the serpent crept among the users and whispered to
them, saying: Thine roles shall not be revoked. Taste
ye all of the system tablespace, for ye shall know of
b-trees and hints and ye shall be as DBAs. And the
users heeded the serpent and filled the system
tablespace with crap. And the instance did crash and
the client did wax wroth at the DBA. And the DBA did
gnash his teeth and partake of the fruit of the vine,
for behold the users were permanent employees and the
DBA was but a contractor and could not revoke their
create session.
And it was day and it was evening of the fourth day.
And the DBA did set default tablespaces and temporary
tablespaces and did lock down all that was upon the
face of the array with roles and profiles and all
manner of quotas, yea even from the rollback segments
even unto the archived redo logs.
And it was day and it was evening of the fifth day.
And the DBA created synonyms and links and did tune
the server and apply patches upon the face of the
database.
And it was day and it was evening of the sixth day.
And on the seventh day the DBA did rest from all the
labors of the creation. And his pager did ring and he
ceased from resting and did spend his sabbath on the
telephone with Oracle support. And by the time the DBA
got through to someone who knew wherof they spake
behold it was day and it was evening of the eighth
day.
And the DBA waxed wroth.
"Tedium is the worst pain. The mind lays out the world in blocks, and the hushed blood waits for revenge. All order, I've come to understand, is theoretical, unreal -- a harmless, sensible smiling mask men slide between the two great, dark realities, the self and the world -- two snakepits. The watchful mind lies, cunning and swift, about the dark blood's lust, lies and lies and lies until, weary of talk, the watchman sleeps."
-- John Gardner (from "Grendel")
A good read. If you have time you should read it.
