Request for internet dating advice...
08-05-2002, 03:41 PM
#1
Eighth Member of AudiWorld. God-like, glorious and all-knowing.
Thread Starter
Request for internet dating advice...
Some know that I do the internet dating thing. However, I've been experiencing a problem and I'd like some suggestions as to whether I should change my approach. I'm interested in your honest opinion, not a politically correct answer designed to keep everyone happy.
The problem is that many of the women in my age range on the internet dating sites seem to be primarily looking for a husband, someone to make babies with, or both. I don't 100% rule those things out, but I doubt I'll intentionally have kids.
Also, a legally binding contract designed to keep 2 people together, even though they may be miserable, and which could serve to be emotionally and/or financially devestating if things don't work out, so far hasn't sounded terribly appealing to me.
So when I encounter women writing of seeking soulmates, life partners, becoming a mother, having a desire to be someone's wife, etc I generally set them straight so as not to waste their time.
Unfortunately, by doing this I end up shooting myself in the foot 90%+ of the time.
So here's the question. Should I continue to be very straightforward and direct when I sense that someone is looking for something that I'm (probably) not seeking?
Or am I putting the cart before the horse by approaching the subject too soon, thus killing any chance to get to know someone? Perhaps I should keep these thoughts to myself until asked, or maybe not even then.
Again, I'm not looking for P.C. answers, so don't be afraid be open. Any thoughts?
The problem is that many of the women in my age range on the internet dating sites seem to be primarily looking for a husband, someone to make babies with, or both. I don't 100% rule those things out, but I doubt I'll intentionally have kids.
Also, a legally binding contract designed to keep 2 people together, even though they may be miserable, and which could serve to be emotionally and/or financially devestating if things don't work out, so far hasn't sounded terribly appealing to me.
So when I encounter women writing of seeking soulmates, life partners, becoming a mother, having a desire to be someone's wife, etc I generally set them straight so as not to waste their time.
Unfortunately, by doing this I end up shooting myself in the foot 90%+ of the time.
So here's the question. Should I continue to be very straightforward and direct when I sense that someone is looking for something that I'm (probably) not seeking?
Or am I putting the cart before the horse by approaching the subject too soon, thus killing any chance to get to know someone? Perhaps I should keep these thoughts to myself until asked, or maybe not even then.
Again, I'm not looking for P.C. answers, so don't be afraid be open. Any thoughts?
08-05-2002, 03:46 PM
#2
Yes
Who knows when you'll meet the woman who spins your head around and completely destroys the status quo as you know it (or currently prefer it?). Leave yourself open to the experiences.. you never know......
08-05-2002, 03:47 PM
#3
well you asked
my opinion is you should always be honest and upfront with everyone in any dealings, relationships being no different. In anycase, it's how I deal with folks and would expect nothing less.
Having said that, who knows - maybe you should be more open minded about what might feel right to you some day down the road. You may be surprised.
Ha, I usually don't respond to your OT posts on this subject, but what the hell..
Good luck
Having said that, who knows - maybe you should be more open minded about what might feel right to you some day down the road. You may be surprised.
Ha, I usually don't respond to your OT posts on this subject, but what the hell..
Good luck
08-05-2002, 03:48 PM
#4
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If you mean it...
Then absolutely you should be up front. I'm currently watching a friend that had no intention of having kids raising his first child. It's working out, but he seems tense.
The only negative you seem to be finding is that it reduces the available pool of women you could meet. My honest feeling is that if you have a requirement, then you're better off establishing who's in the pool from the start. Nothing wrong with that at all.
The only negative you seem to be finding is that it reduces the available pool of women you could meet. My honest feeling is that if you have a requirement, then you're better off establishing who's in the pool from the start. Nothing wrong with that at all.
08-05-2002, 03:51 PM
#5
I honestly think that you are putting the cart before the horse
as you put it.
If the woman openly tells you rather quickly that marriage/kids is what they are looking for, then you obviously know where you stand and should run.
I would approach each woman with a new view, not all are the same and many have varying degrees of seriousness. If a woman digs you and genuinely likes you, then I think that the formalities are less important and will be willing to wait for the right moment or be happy with a long term relationship based on love rather than a piece of paper..
If the woman openly tells you rather quickly that marriage/kids is what they are looking for, then you obviously know where you stand and should run.
I would approach each woman with a new view, not all are the same and many have varying degrees of seriousness. If a woman digs you and genuinely likes you, then I think that the formalities are less important and will be willing to wait for the right moment or be happy with a long term relationship based on love rather than a piece of paper..
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08-05-2002, 03:56 PM
#8
I'd stick with the honest approach..........
About a year and a half ago, I did some internet dating as well. I ended up meeting and going out with Kristine. I was pretty honest about not wanting anything long-term, but we'll see how things go. Turns out that she wanted the same. It was a beautiful relationship for a while for both of us until we just kinda got bored. No stings attached, no nuttin.
Tif and I were set up by a mutual friend of ours. At the time, neither of us was looking for or wanting anything more than a "buddy". The beauty of that was that there was no pressure. Of course it ends up that we spent all of our free time together, and are now living together, but the initial honesty really helped keep the pressure off.
Just keep doing your thing, and eventually, you'll find someone that wants the same, and more than likely, that's the person you'll end up with for the long haul.
Tif and I were set up by a mutual friend of ours. At the time, neither of us was looking for or wanting anything more than a "buddy". The beauty of that was that there was no pressure. Of course it ends up that we spent all of our free time together, and are now living together, but the initial honesty really helped keep the pressure off.
Just keep doing your thing, and eventually, you'll find someone that wants the same, and more than likely, that's the person you'll end up with for the long haul.